One year. Since an argument that was a catalyst for everything that happened these last twelve months. Since I found out who else was in the February intake: the seven people I would be spending my time in Africa with. Fast forward to South Africa, a breakup, Zambia, my best friends wedding, job advancement, traveling to Wisconsin to be with the Hands USA Family, and growing accustomed to a constant state of change. What a crazy year it has been!
For the first time in a few weeks, I finally have time to just "be." As always, I'm feeling unsettled. My Christmas trees are up and my Advent wreath is ready, but aside from that my room is a mess. I wish I could have an extended amount of time to hole up in my room. To take the time to put everything in it's proper place, and to get my head on straight. I feel immensely grateful for this year: for everything that has happened, both the ups and the downs, but I must admit I feel very drained. I'm always unsure. Was I too bold? Too honest? Did I say too much, or not enough? Are my motives understood or misinterpreted? This fire is also fueled by the work I do, under a constant spotlight of coworkers, not to mention constant critique from our customers. And I have memorized some of our medications at the corresponding cells in our robot. Proof I work too much and need to get out more.
A few weeks ago, I did get a chance to break out of the work bubble. I went to dinner and coffee with a dear friend that I hadn't seen all summer. It was a truly great time, I hadn't laughed that much in months! Since then I have been busy with work, Church, Youth Group, meetings, and getting ready for the holidays. I have squeezed in a couple visits to my brother's in Pittsburgh. It is an easy drive, but with traffic I always find it to be tiring. By the time I get home and pull in the driveway, I can feel the tension in my shoulders and I am ready for bed! We took them to the Zoo earlier this month; I made one trip when my nephews were with their mom, and one other when they were around and I had a day off from work. They are my favorite boys and they light up my life! Since my last visit, I have been busy prepping my Christmas presents for them. I have wrapped most of what I had, aside from the clothes (because more are coming) and stocking-stuffers. I still have a few more presents for them coming in the mail.
My other hobbies as of late have included watching old movies I have on DVD, balancing my budget and attempting to be a responsible adult, and of course drinking my weight in hot chocolate on a daily basis. I make my own from scratch: the stuff is worth being savored! And, in case you missed it, yes I did mention earlier that my Christmas tree is decorated. Naturally, since that bit is taken care of, I have been giving some serious thought to another favorite holiday tradition: New Years Resolutions. I know, I am an over-achiever and make the rest of you look bad, I know - my co-workers tell me this all the time! But there is just something so romantic about the possibility of having a clean slate, a fresh start. And really, I don't ski - what else do you expect me to do with my time for the cold winter months prior to spring. (When I'm not drinking hot chocolate, obviously.) Nothing on my resolutions list is crazy or unpredictable. This is not a complete list, but here are a few of my goals: Run more, pack my lunch everyday for work (takeout is too expensive to inhale on a lunch break alone, it should be savored in the presence of good company), drink more water, spend money more wisely (save more), spend more time intently engaging with friends and family, keeping TV to a minimum if watched at all, and relearning German. I don't know if that is the appropriate term, and I imagine it will start coming back to me. (I studied German for 6.5 years beginning in the sixth grade.) For whatever reason, I got into the German one today. It's been on my wish list forever, probably since I stopped taking classes and actively studying it. I changed my Facebook account language to German, so I will see it everyday, and I rewrote out everything in my to-do notebook in German. (day of the week, date, month, work schedule and anything else currently on my calendar) I also have a German translation of the New Testament. My extended family tend to always have their own gatherings for holidays, so aside from my nephews the holidays are fairly quiet. A few gatherings with friends here and there, but I am hoping I will have enough time over the next month to tie up loose ends and pending projects so I can actually start the new year refreshed with a clear head.
All in all, I am blessed. I am aware of my blessings, and I feel more whole than I have in quite some time. I want to savor this next month, because I know as fast as it will go, the following three chilly months will drag on...
Happy Thanksgiving to all my loved ones near and far!
