So I was honestly laying in bed with the lights off, all cozy and ready to fall asleep and....
nothing.
So, let's rehash this season of the Bachelor, shall we?
The Bachelor is a lot like life. (Wait, let me argue this point!) You're given the perfect opportunity. In the case of the Bachelor(ette): You get to date 25 people and choose one of them to spend your life with. Except, you're human and your flaws get in the way and you pretty much ruin everything. This season of the Bachelor, all of the drama and the display of interpersonal relationships is essentially a portrayal of our culture in microcosm. Men that a) don't act like men and b) don't bother with morals. Women whom a) don't act like ladies, and even when they do, b) second guess their own self worth because their worth is downplayed by men whom a) don't act like men and b) don't bother with morals. Take Kacie B: the beautiful on the inside and out Christian from Tennessee. Unfortunately she watched last season of The Bachelorette and thought that Ben, contestant last season and "The Bachelor" this season, was someone she would like to date. I admit, I love Kacie and I was rooting for her to end up with Ben. (I think this has more to do with wanting guys to realize girls like her are worth having than wanting to see her with Ben in particular, we've known he was a dog since week 5!) She made it the whole way to hometown dates, where out of the original 25 there are only FOUR girls left.
Hiccup: Ben is a winemaker. Kacie's dad doesn't drink. Kacie is from the heart of the Bible belt in conservative Tennessee. Ben is from liberal California. Ben wants to live together before getting married. Kacie's parents are adamantly against that. [Kacie seemed to allude that she would be open to it, but I have a strong feeling that was just because she wanted to keep Ben. I think she would have regretted it. Big time!] So prior to her hometown date, Kacie had never mentioned that her father didn't drink to Ben (the winemaker!) I think it's definitely a case of wanting to find someone so badly, you make the picture of how life "would be" in your head without actually realizing how life would be. (Never mind that ABC will eventually stop funding date night...) How easy is it for us to be seduced by the flash and glamour of society. How many girls (guys) on these shows only become infatuated with the Bachelor(ette) because that person is the Bachelor(ette)?
And that's all for tonight, because now I'm actually going to bed!
Monday, February 27, 2012
The Mondays
Today I had a bad case of the Mondays.
I struggled to wake up.I took one pill of NyQuil before bed last night and I was so groggy! Work was a crazy, busy Monday. Then I left work early. Only twenty minutes, not the end of the world. (Here's to hoping that's also my managers perspective...) I honestly thought I was leaving late. (I didn't realize what I had done until I got home and was looking over my schedule for March, oops...) This is the problem with a) having an awkward, irregular schedule and b) having a case of the Mondays. I just feel like I'm useless. One the upside, I think I have time to run tomorrow. I just have to go to a viewing/funeral first.
I think that weeks of intense progress must be followed by weeks of laziness. Not that I embrace this concept. But today, it is what I feel. I was going to attempt to sort some old toys. That lasted about ten minutes. I know I struggle with relaxing, just being. Now I think I need to work on being content. The constant to do lists. The ever evolving goals. Right now I'm just sitting. In my rocking chair with the massaging back. Watching The Bachelor. (Don't judge me. The objectification of love and poor excuse for romance is a bad enough train wreck that I at least can sit still. sometimes.)
I think my problem is this: Last night I sat down with my financial records for January and February. I compared how much money I made vs how much I spent. Not including what I have saved, or the "cushion" in my account. Which meant the stats were kind of scary. But really they could be worse. Anyway... Emotionally, you could say that my to-do lists and my constant purging of possessions are like withdrawals - of energy. Energy wisely, yet hastily, spent. Spent much faster than any deposits have been made. I'm in an energy deficit.
I've been thinking about this. Since I try to keep "cell-free Sundays" I've been thinking about the Sabbath. However, I seem to consciously view the Sabbath mostly in terms of Church and praising God, not about how God created the Sabbath because we need rest too.
“Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days you shall labor, and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the LORD your God. On it you shall not do any work, you, or your son, or your daughter, your male servant, or your female servant, or your livestock, or the sojourner who is within your gates…” - Exodus 20: 8-10
And it's not just in the Old Testament either.
That verse definitely reflects our current hectic lifestyles. And gives me an reason to try to relax tonight.
I struggled to wake up.I took one pill of NyQuil before bed last night and I was so groggy! Work was a crazy, busy Monday. Then I left work early. Only twenty minutes, not the end of the world. (Here's to hoping that's also my managers perspective...) I honestly thought I was leaving late. (I didn't realize what I had done until I got home and was looking over my schedule for March, oops...) This is the problem with a) having an awkward, irregular schedule and b) having a case of the Mondays. I just feel like I'm useless. One the upside, I think I have time to run tomorrow. I just have to go to a viewing/funeral first.
I think that weeks of intense progress must be followed by weeks of laziness. Not that I embrace this concept. But today, it is what I feel. I was going to attempt to sort some old toys. That lasted about ten minutes. I know I struggle with relaxing, just being. Now I think I need to work on being content. The constant to do lists. The ever evolving goals. Right now I'm just sitting. In my rocking chair with the massaging back. Watching The Bachelor. (Don't judge me. The objectification of love and poor excuse for romance is a bad enough train wreck that I at least can sit still. sometimes.)
I think my problem is this: Last night I sat down with my financial records for January and February. I compared how much money I made vs how much I spent. Not including what I have saved, or the "cushion" in my account. Which meant the stats were kind of scary. But really they could be worse. Anyway... Emotionally, you could say that my to-do lists and my constant purging of possessions are like withdrawals - of energy. Energy wisely, yet hastily, spent. Spent much faster than any deposits have been made. I'm in an energy deficit.
I've been thinking about this. Since I try to keep "cell-free Sundays" I've been thinking about the Sabbath. However, I seem to consciously view the Sabbath mostly in terms of Church and praising God, not about how God created the Sabbath because we need rest too.
“Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days you shall labor, and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the LORD your God. On it you shall not do any work, you, or your son, or your daughter, your male servant, or your female servant, or your livestock, or the sojourner who is within your gates…” - Exodus 20: 8-10
And it's not just in the Old Testament either.
'And he said to them, “Come away by yourselves to a desolate place and rest a while.” For many were coming and going, and they had no leisure even to eat.' - Mark 6: 31
That verse definitely reflects our current hectic lifestyles. And gives me an reason to try to relax tonight.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Life & Lent
When it comes to my real, non-internet life I have an excellent memory. My internet life? Not so much... I had a topic that I really intended to blog about last night before bed. I decided to just go to bed since it was late and my computer was already turned off anyway. So naturally I have no inkling what had me so inspired last night. Oh well...
I had a very productive day today. Honestly, I'm almost in disbelief how much I have now accomplished. But it's bittersweet because I didn't cross off everything on my to do list. This made me realize I do not do a good job in relishing the completion of tasks or celebrating myself. For the last 16 months I have been relentlessly purging my possessions. Sorting through pile after pile, deciding what stays vs what gets donated, recycled, or pitched. I'm too the point that I basically have nothing else left to sort. I can relax instead of decide what to go through next. [I could, and probably will, help my brother with his room, but that is another issue... And quite frankly, that room will probably be a piece of cake compared to the other rooms I've already finished.] I can actually scale back to taking 5 minutes a day to put things back in their place, and cleaning on weekends or my day off. I can focus on areas of myself that need work other than my physical surroundings.
For the past ten years, starting with high school, continuing through college and graduation, I have constantly been on the go. I'm not sure I remember how to relax, let alone be lazy. As a Christian, it was obvious to me that physical clutter and discord in my life attributed to emotional clutter and discord in my spiritual life. Generally, my life is clutter free in comparison to what it was. I have a few "trouble spots": my computer desk and two bankers boxes + one open box full of papers that I may or may not need, my main desk which is now littered with financial documents to be shredded or filed, and a plastic laundry basket with my "sort later" items. Down to thee spots. That isn't bad at all. I should be ecstatic, but rather than naturally celebrate the accomplishment of this task, my mind immediately jumps to "what's next?"
I would be remiss if I did not put my clutter conundrum in context. Growing up, neither of my parents paid specific attention to living an orderly life. Unlike my friends, I don't really remember being told to clean my room. Granted, I was always a clean kid. I have a memory from my childhood home. I collected paper grocery bags and put all of my toys, and my brothers, into the bags and lined them up in front of the entertainment system. Fast forward a few years and I'm in my bedroom, listening to my radio and cleaning on my own accord. That was pretty much how I always functioned. In high school I managed to keep everything organized, despite of - or perhaps because of - a busy, hectic schedule. Enter college, a full class schedule and work schedule, a boyfriend and extracurriculars. A bad breakup and extracurricular overload in the form of nine meetings a week. My organization system went down hill and my sense of self went away with it.
It took a long time and a lot of effort, but I'm finally back! I'm eating healthy, I'm organized, working out daily, AND I've picked up the daily devotionals that were my favorite in high school. But I still don't automatically celebrate this progress. I think this is a negative trait, but perhaps more beneficial in the long run. As Christians, we realize that are of sinful nature. We can never escape sin, and we are saved by grace and mercy. Nothing of our own devices can save us. Basically, I'm hopeless on my own. Yet it is because of my faith, and the knowledge and perception that comes with it, that I have been able to accomplish such an enormous task the first place. And that knowledge and perception is why I even realized it needed to be accomplished, and accomplished swiftly.
The whole point of this long-winded post boils down to this: I acknowledgement that I are hopeless without Christ, and the strength, knowledge, and determination He provides me. BUT by getting stuck in the mindset of self-deprecation because I acknowledge I am nothing without Christ, am I selling myself short in my beliefs in what I can do (with Christ) and therefore minimizing the glory of Christ? It's definitely been on my mind, and definitely worth thinking about. At any rate, I'm still going to strive to have a clutter-free home, eat well, and workout daily. And try to celebrate completed tasks.
Also, Fröhliches Karneval!!!
That's "Happy Carneval" to those of you who may be German-illiterate. (Ironically, this is a celebration - which I'm discussing in a post about how I'm not good at celebrating accomplishments.) It's, for lack of a better explanation, the German equivalent of Mardi Gras. Aka "Fat Tuesday." The last hoorah to get fatty, sugary, decadent foods out of the kitchen. See: use up by eating, or binging. whatever works. The last day before Ash Wednesday and the arrival of Lent. I spent a few weeks mulling over what I could give up for Lent this year. I'm not Catholic, but in years past I have given things up. Back in high school, you know, before texting, smart phones and wireless internet, I gave up the radio, television and the internet (school research was allowed.) Last year I gave up my VISA. I'm not exactly sure how I would "up" that. I know, I know... that is not the point of Lent, but I digress... Since I've essentially got a handle on my possessions problem, I don't think I'm giving up anything. Unless you count giving up being mediocre. My goal is to generally just live better. To get my crap in order. To be more responsible. To show up to work on time and without complaint. To do everything on time and without complaint. To be more chipper, more giving, more personable - even when I'm not actually in the mood to be personable. To live a more pleasing life in general. (See Bible verse above.) I've realized it's not about cutting out television altogether (a topic I've flirted with in the past), as much as it is constantly keeping things in perspective and ultimately focused. Watching TV doesn't make me a bad person. Worrying more about how my life compares to [insert popular TV show/personality] more than I worry about how my life enriches, or not, the people around me, and if it is pleasing to Christ means I have a problem. Ultimately, I'm inclined to think that by cutting out something completely, for time consumption or addictive qualities, is stating that the something has more power than (as a Christian) your strength in Christ. Unfortunately, it's late and I'm not sure I communicated these topics as effectively as I would have intended. [Mental faculties are lagging. This definitely means it's my bedtime...]
I had a very productive day today. Honestly, I'm almost in disbelief how much I have now accomplished. But it's bittersweet because I didn't cross off everything on my to do list. This made me realize I do not do a good job in relishing the completion of tasks or celebrating myself. For the last 16 months I have been relentlessly purging my possessions. Sorting through pile after pile, deciding what stays vs what gets donated, recycled, or pitched. I'm too the point that I basically have nothing else left to sort. I can relax instead of decide what to go through next. [I could, and probably will, help my brother with his room, but that is another issue... And quite frankly, that room will probably be a piece of cake compared to the other rooms I've already finished.] I can actually scale back to taking 5 minutes a day to put things back in their place, and cleaning on weekends or my day off. I can focus on areas of myself that need work other than my physical surroundings.
For the past ten years, starting with high school, continuing through college and graduation, I have constantly been on the go. I'm not sure I remember how to relax, let alone be lazy. As a Christian, it was obvious to me that physical clutter and discord in my life attributed to emotional clutter and discord in my spiritual life. Generally, my life is clutter free in comparison to what it was. I have a few "trouble spots": my computer desk and two bankers boxes + one open box full of papers that I may or may not need, my main desk which is now littered with financial documents to be shredded or filed, and a plastic laundry basket with my "sort later" items. Down to thee spots. That isn't bad at all. I should be ecstatic, but rather than naturally celebrate the accomplishment of this task, my mind immediately jumps to "what's next?"
I would be remiss if I did not put my clutter conundrum in context. Growing up, neither of my parents paid specific attention to living an orderly life. Unlike my friends, I don't really remember being told to clean my room. Granted, I was always a clean kid. I have a memory from my childhood home. I collected paper grocery bags and put all of my toys, and my brothers, into the bags and lined them up in front of the entertainment system. Fast forward a few years and I'm in my bedroom, listening to my radio and cleaning on my own accord. That was pretty much how I always functioned. In high school I managed to keep everything organized, despite of - or perhaps because of - a busy, hectic schedule. Enter college, a full class schedule and work schedule, a boyfriend and extracurriculars. A bad breakup and extracurricular overload in the form of nine meetings a week. My organization system went down hill and my sense of self went away with it.
It took a long time and a lot of effort, but I'm finally back! I'm eating healthy, I'm organized, working out daily, AND I've picked up the daily devotionals that were my favorite in high school. But I still don't automatically celebrate this progress. I think this is a negative trait, but perhaps more beneficial in the long run. As Christians, we realize that are of sinful nature. We can never escape sin, and we are saved by grace and mercy. Nothing of our own devices can save us. Basically, I'm hopeless on my own. Yet it is because of my faith, and the knowledge and perception that comes with it, that I have been able to accomplish such an enormous task the first place. And that knowledge and perception is why I even realized it needed to be accomplished, and accomplished swiftly.
The whole point of this long-winded post boils down to this: I acknowledgement that I are hopeless without Christ, and the strength, knowledge, and determination He provides me. BUT by getting stuck in the mindset of self-deprecation because I acknowledge I am nothing without Christ, am I selling myself short in my beliefs in what I can do (with Christ) and therefore minimizing the glory of Christ? It's definitely been on my mind, and definitely worth thinking about. At any rate, I'm still going to strive to have a clutter-free home, eat well, and workout daily. And try to celebrate completed tasks.
"And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God" - Colossians 1: 10 [NIV]
Also, Fröhliches Karneval!!!
That's "Happy Carneval" to those of you who may be German-illiterate. (Ironically, this is a celebration - which I'm discussing in a post about how I'm not good at celebrating accomplishments.) It's, for lack of a better explanation, the German equivalent of Mardi Gras. Aka "Fat Tuesday." The last hoorah to get fatty, sugary, decadent foods out of the kitchen. See: use up by eating, or binging. whatever works. The last day before Ash Wednesday and the arrival of Lent. I spent a few weeks mulling over what I could give up for Lent this year. I'm not Catholic, but in years past I have given things up. Back in high school, you know, before texting, smart phones and wireless internet, I gave up the radio, television and the internet (school research was allowed.) Last year I gave up my VISA. I'm not exactly sure how I would "up" that. I know, I know... that is not the point of Lent, but I digress... Since I've essentially got a handle on my possessions problem, I don't think I'm giving up anything. Unless you count giving up being mediocre. My goal is to generally just live better. To get my crap in order. To be more responsible. To show up to work on time and without complaint. To do everything on time and without complaint. To be more chipper, more giving, more personable - even when I'm not actually in the mood to be personable. To live a more pleasing life in general. (See Bible verse above.) I've realized it's not about cutting out television altogether (a topic I've flirted with in the past), as much as it is constantly keeping things in perspective and ultimately focused. Watching TV doesn't make me a bad person. Worrying more about how my life compares to [insert popular TV show/personality] more than I worry about how my life enriches, or not, the people around me, and if it is pleasing to Christ means I have a problem. Ultimately, I'm inclined to think that by cutting out something completely, for time consumption or addictive qualities, is stating that the something has more power than (as a Christian) your strength in Christ. Unfortunately, it's late and I'm not sure I communicated these topics as effectively as I would have intended. [Mental faculties are lagging. This definitely means it's my bedtime...]
Monday, February 13, 2012
unhappy middles
"I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible,
and how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you,
and it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join,
or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends...
you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder
what you did wrong, or
how you could have misunderstood, and
how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy.
And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door.
And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new,
and you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again,
and little pieces of your soul will finally come back.
And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade."
Sometimes, you wake up feeling as if nothing is happening the way it should.
These are the most unfortunate days.
and how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you,
and it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join,
or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends...
you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder
what you did wrong, or
how you could have misunderstood, and
how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy.
And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door.
And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new,
and you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again,
and little pieces of your soul will finally come back.
And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade."
Sometimes, you wake up feeling as if nothing is happening the way it should.
These are the most unfortunate days.
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Why I'm a Health Nut
Well, kids, I may not have mentioned it recently, but I don't really eat processed foods.
I eat fruits and vegetables every day. I do not eat artificial food additives. (I haven't since 2009. That's three years in March. I guess time flies when you're having fun!)
I know I'm making the right choices by what I can sense in my body. I've read lots of scientific research. This is something on a completely different level. And it's completely awesome!
Check it out!
I eat fruits and vegetables every day. I do not eat artificial food additives. (I haven't since 2009. That's three years in March. I guess time flies when you're having fun!)
I know I'm making the right choices by what I can sense in my body. I've read lots of scientific research. This is something on a completely different level. And it's completely awesome!
Check it out!
In Everything Give Thanks: Valentines Edition
"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." -Robert Brault
Things that are making my heart happy:
-cool coworkers
-letting go of fears that make me anxious
-nail polish. (if you can't dress up, you can at least dress up your nails!)
-Easter eggs. (if I stuff them sooner, does that mean spring will get here faster? please?)
-cozy cats
-treasured tv shows
-clean closets
-my "less is more" philosophy when it comes to all things material
-candles, especially my creamy vanilla candle by oregon kandle kitchen. my whole room smells warm and yummy!
-thinking about love. in all of its manifestations.
"In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." -Proverbs 3: 6 [NIV]
Things that are making my heart happy:
-cool coworkers
-letting go of fears that make me anxious
-nail polish. (if you can't dress up, you can at least dress up your nails!)
-Easter eggs. (if I stuff them sooner, does that mean spring will get here faster? please?)
-cozy cats
-treasured tv shows
-clean closets
-my "less is more" philosophy when it comes to all things material
-candles, especially my creamy vanilla candle by oregon kandle kitchen. my whole room smells warm and yummy!
-thinking about love. in all of its manifestations.
"In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." -Proverbs 3: 6 [NIV]
romance
Okay, you had to know this was coming. With only a few more days until Valentines Day, let's talk about love.
I admit it. I'm a girl. I love clothes, gossip mags and (bad) "reality" tv. We discussed clothes yesterday. Gossip magazines are really an extension of my fascination with reality tv. As previously mentioned, I love tv because I often use it as a backdrop while I'm getting things done. I'll watch pretty much anything and everything. I love Pawn Stars, Swamp People, Top Shot (duh!), pretty much anything on Bravo and/or E! (I hate the fact that that is true) As far as main networks, The Biggest Loser and The Bachelor(ette) franchise. But not Bachelor Pad. (I have to draw the line somewhere, right?) And again, as previously mentioned, Laguna Beach and The Hills. Hang on, I'm going somewhere with this I promise!
The Bachelor Series premiered in 2002. The Bachelorette spin-off followed in 2003. My viewing of the Bachelor was somewhat intermittent in the beginning. The 16th season is currently airing. I watched the majority of episodes in the first 4 seasons, and then skipped 3 seasons. I have seen the last 8 seasons, and the current season so far, without missing an episode. And I've seen every episode of the 7 seasons of The Bachelorette. For a show that is supposed to be about finding true love, it definitely has flaws. As someone who watched in the beginning, I definitely have seen changes over the years. In the initial seasons, the only time you saw alcohol was a) at the rose ceremonies, where the girls are given flutes of champagne, and b) at dates as the season progressed, aka there were less girls and the relationships got more "intense." The last few seasons, and the current season especially, the alcohol is flowing! Last season on The Bachelorette a contestant drank so much that he passed out. Not to mention countless other incidents that happened as a result of drinking too much. All documented on national television. Oops... There is a contestant on the current season that seems to have a glass of wine in her hand every time she's on camera... Strike #1
Also, reportedly the entire seasons are shot within a 6 weeks (minimum) to 11 weeks (maximum) period. So boy meets girl week 1 and there is a proposal 6 to 11 weeks later. And then they (in past seasons) were not permitted to see each other for the three months that the show is airing. Yikes! No wonder there are only two couples that lasted! One bachelor (though he didn't initially choose her for his finale rose) and one bachelorette. Strike #2
But what currently is really grinding my gears: on the current season, WHERE IS THE ROMANCE???!!! Even on Laguna Beach and The Hills, where love isn't the focus, there is more romance! Laguna Beach was even filmed with kids in high school. Even those guys put in an effort. They planned simple, yet thoughtful dates. They bought flowers and chocolates. And they took the time and effort to surprise their girlfriends. The relationships weren't perfect and most of them didn't last, but the guys made an effort when it counted. Even when the relationships weren't working, you could see why the girls weren't ready to walk away from the relationship. In the infamous Valentines Day episode of Laguna Beach Season 2, Stephen shows up unannounced at Lauren's house with flowers AND chocolate. And we get some of Jim Conrad's words of wisdom (bonus!) ["Flowers mean 'I'm sorry' and chocolates mean 'I love you'" -Jim Conrad, a very wise man.] [If you're curious, just watch from 8:46 to 11:15. That's all the Valentines Day goodness that is really necessary.] To get back to the point... Ben, the current Bachelor, does not make these caring gestures. He does: talk down to the women, tell them to mind their own business, AND go skinny-dipping with one of the girls on week 5. While he's still dating 10 other women. Classy! I wish the woman he basically told to mind her own business would have walked after the fact. I would like to think that, in that situation, I would have turned down the rose. As much as the women seem to be let down during the show, I bet now, as they are watching the show, they are realizing they dodged a bullet! This seasons lack of romantic gestures, and any class, is big Strike #3! Come on, The Biggest Loser has led to more successful relationships that The Bachelor and The Bachelorette's combined 23 seasons! Which, on the upside, means romance isn't completely dead, right?
Now, why fix what isn't broken. Here's what Pinterest gave me when I searched for romance:
I hope you all have the most sincere, considerate, and memorably-romantic Valentines Day!
I admit it. I'm a girl. I love clothes, gossip mags and (bad) "reality" tv. We discussed clothes yesterday. Gossip magazines are really an extension of my fascination with reality tv. As previously mentioned, I love tv because I often use it as a backdrop while I'm getting things done. I'll watch pretty much anything and everything. I love Pawn Stars, Swamp People, Top Shot (duh!), pretty much anything on Bravo and/or E! (I hate the fact that that is true) As far as main networks, The Biggest Loser and The Bachelor(ette) franchise. But not Bachelor Pad. (I have to draw the line somewhere, right?) And again, as previously mentioned, Laguna Beach and The Hills. Hang on, I'm going somewhere with this I promise!
The Bachelor Series premiered in 2002. The Bachelorette spin-off followed in 2003. My viewing of the Bachelor was somewhat intermittent in the beginning. The 16th season is currently airing. I watched the majority of episodes in the first 4 seasons, and then skipped 3 seasons. I have seen the last 8 seasons, and the current season so far, without missing an episode. And I've seen every episode of the 7 seasons of The Bachelorette. For a show that is supposed to be about finding true love, it definitely has flaws. As someone who watched in the beginning, I definitely have seen changes over the years. In the initial seasons, the only time you saw alcohol was a) at the rose ceremonies, where the girls are given flutes of champagne, and b) at dates as the season progressed, aka there were less girls and the relationships got more "intense." The last few seasons, and the current season especially, the alcohol is flowing! Last season on The Bachelorette a contestant drank so much that he passed out. Not to mention countless other incidents that happened as a result of drinking too much. All documented on national television. Oops... There is a contestant on the current season that seems to have a glass of wine in her hand every time she's on camera... Strike #1
Also, reportedly the entire seasons are shot within a 6 weeks (minimum) to 11 weeks (maximum) period. So boy meets girl week 1 and there is a proposal 6 to 11 weeks later. And then they (in past seasons) were not permitted to see each other for the three months that the show is airing. Yikes! No wonder there are only two couples that lasted! One bachelor (though he didn't initially choose her for his finale rose) and one bachelorette. Strike #2
But what currently is really grinding my gears: on the current season, WHERE IS THE ROMANCE???!!! Even on Laguna Beach and The Hills, where love isn't the focus, there is more romance! Laguna Beach was even filmed with kids in high school. Even those guys put in an effort. They planned simple, yet thoughtful dates. They bought flowers and chocolates. And they took the time and effort to surprise their girlfriends. The relationships weren't perfect and most of them didn't last, but the guys made an effort when it counted. Even when the relationships weren't working, you could see why the girls weren't ready to walk away from the relationship. In the infamous Valentines Day episode of Laguna Beach Season 2, Stephen shows up unannounced at Lauren's house with flowers AND chocolate. And we get some of Jim Conrad's words of wisdom (bonus!) ["Flowers mean 'I'm sorry' and chocolates mean 'I love you'" -Jim Conrad, a very wise man.] [If you're curious, just watch from 8:46 to 11:15. That's all the Valentines Day goodness that is really necessary.] To get back to the point... Ben, the current Bachelor, does not make these caring gestures. He does: talk down to the women, tell them to mind their own business, AND go skinny-dipping with one of the girls on week 5. While he's still dating 10 other women. Classy! I wish the woman he basically told to mind her own business would have walked after the fact. I would like to think that, in that situation, I would have turned down the rose. As much as the women seem to be let down during the show, I bet now, as they are watching the show, they are realizing they dodged a bullet! This seasons lack of romantic gestures, and any class, is big Strike #3! Come on, The Biggest Loser has led to more successful relationships that The Bachelor and The Bachelorette's combined 23 seasons! Which, on the upside, means romance isn't completely dead, right?
Now, why fix what isn't broken. Here's what Pinterest gave me when I searched for romance:
My Thoughts:
4. Self-confidence, and being comfortable in your own skin, matters A LOT more than muscles.
8. Fact: If I always have to initiate conversation, I will eventually stop initiating. If you want to talk to me, talk to me. Otherwise I’ll assume you don’t want to talk to me and are not interested.
10. Flowers and chocolates, but little random surprises are just as nice!
11. See 10.
And this:
My Top 5 Most Romantic Memories:
5. Getting a call asking how far away I was, and if I was handling the drive okay, on a very snowy night. [aka knowing he was worried about me]
4. Love letters.
3. Getting flowers delivered at work.
2. Road tripping in the springtime.
1. Long story short: While we were camping out with friends, the guy knew I was mad at him. He might be one of the most intelligent men in history, because rather than try to talk his way out of it, he just climbed into my sleeping bag and held me and told me that he was sorry. Until the lightning started. True story. [Disclaimer: this is legitimately PG in the strictest sense. No funny business involved. Which, I think, makes it even sweeter.]
The last gem I found on Pinterest: (Well, today at least...)
I hope you all have the most sincere, considerate, and memorably-romantic Valentines Day!
Saturday, February 11, 2012
love
What. A. Day.
I'm finally sitting. Drinking tea (duh). Guns N' Roses is on Pandora (huh?) Okay, I love Guns N' Roses, but Pandora went from Jackson 5 to Ben E. King to Guns N' Roses... This is ironic, but if the irony is lost on you, well maybe you're better off that way. I digress...
So it's Valentines Day Weekend. w00t. (yes, I just typed that. don't judge me.) One of my best friends commented to me about not knowing what to get her husband for Valentines Day. [I'm not exactly sure how I can help with that... especially considering relationships avoid me. like the plague.] Now Heart is on Pandora... the irony continues! (Heart is too much, new song!) Of course, it's February. It's kind of hard not to think about love. Merriam-Webster lists nine definitions for love as a noun, and four for love as a verb. [I am the kind of person who wants to know exactly what something means, also considering appropriate context.] The last 24 hours were an expedition in love. I watched the entire first seasons of The Hills and Laguna Beach. I cherish these shows mostly out of nostalgic value. Also, I love television that doesn't acquire 100% attention so there is something on the screen to entertain me, but I can actually focus my attention on more productive endeavors.
My current MO has been "When in doubt, throw it out!" Today my chief interest was cleaning out my wardrobe. This consists of my closet, my standing closet, and my dresser. I'm a girly girl. I love clothes. I own more clothes than is probably necessary. When I have the time to clean out my wardrobe, I like to make the most of it. I empty everything. I especially try to rationalize letting go of pieces that I really don't want to let go of. Today was definitely a success. I got rid of lots of clothes and rearranged everything that was left. I love getting rid of more than you think is necessary. It provides you so much extra room and easy access to everything that is left. I filled about 1.5 boxes to take to Goodwill. (Believe me, I am desperately thinking of what to purge next so I can fill up that second box!) In the past week I've gotten rid of even more stuff and rearranged everything else. My room is really starting to look different - in the best way.
The closet purge has been on my mind. I'm limited in what I can wear to work (basically only things with the company logo). This is really starting to wear me down. Since I spend my work day not feeling so pretty, I like to look more feminine when I'm not working. I've even started painting my nails again. I can't wait until the weather starts to warm up and I can start wearing light patterned tops under cardigans! Not to mention I love the sense of accomplishment I get checking tasks off of my to-do list! Doing things that I consider part of "self-love", and how much they improved my mood, got me thinking about ways I can show love to others. You know, short of running down the street proclaiming "I Love You". Pinterest got me again. Example #1:
This might be the to-do list to end all to-do lists. What a challenge! I tend to know myself pretty well. I also know how to communicate fairly well; however, whether I choose to is another matter entirely. Still, looking at this list makes me second-guess every communication segment I've seen on The Today Show for... as long as I've been watching The Today Show. Here's example #2(another challenge!):
I definitely relate to this on both sides. Like I said, I think I am pretty effective in how I communicate but these days I seem to be choosing not to communicate. I admit this must be pretty frustrating. On the other hand, from my perspective, it seems pointless to communicate when I don't perceive actions that warrant that communication. Definitely something to think about... [Hold that thought!: Segue to future post]
I'm finally sitting. Drinking tea (duh). Guns N' Roses is on Pandora (huh?) Okay, I love Guns N' Roses, but Pandora went from Jackson 5 to Ben E. King to Guns N' Roses... This is ironic, but if the irony is lost on you, well maybe you're better off that way. I digress...
So it's Valentines Day Weekend. w00t. (yes, I just typed that. don't judge me.) One of my best friends commented to me about not knowing what to get her husband for Valentines Day. [I'm not exactly sure how I can help with that... especially considering relationships avoid me. like the plague.] Now Heart is on Pandora... the irony continues! (Heart is too much, new song!) Of course, it's February. It's kind of hard not to think about love. Merriam-Webster lists nine definitions for love as a noun, and four for love as a verb. [I am the kind of person who wants to know exactly what something means, also considering appropriate context.] The last 24 hours were an expedition in love. I watched the entire first seasons of The Hills and Laguna Beach. I cherish these shows mostly out of nostalgic value. Also, I love television that doesn't acquire 100% attention so there is something on the screen to entertain me, but I can actually focus my attention on more productive endeavors.
My current MO has been "When in doubt, throw it out!" Today my chief interest was cleaning out my wardrobe. This consists of my closet, my standing closet, and my dresser. I'm a girly girl. I love clothes. I own more clothes than is probably necessary. When I have the time to clean out my wardrobe, I like to make the most of it. I empty everything. I especially try to rationalize letting go of pieces that I really don't want to let go of. Today was definitely a success. I got rid of lots of clothes and rearranged everything that was left. I love getting rid of more than you think is necessary. It provides you so much extra room and easy access to everything that is left. I filled about 1.5 boxes to take to Goodwill. (Believe me, I am desperately thinking of what to purge next so I can fill up that second box!) In the past week I've gotten rid of even more stuff and rearranged everything else. My room is really starting to look different - in the best way.
The closet purge has been on my mind. I'm limited in what I can wear to work (basically only things with the company logo). This is really starting to wear me down. Since I spend my work day not feeling so pretty, I like to look more feminine when I'm not working. I've even started painting my nails again. I can't wait until the weather starts to warm up and I can start wearing light patterned tops under cardigans! Not to mention I love the sense of accomplishment I get checking tasks off of my to-do list! Doing things that I consider part of "self-love", and how much they improved my mood, got me thinking about ways I can show love to others. You know, short of running down the street proclaiming "I Love You". Pinterest got me again. Example #1:
This might be the to-do list to end all to-do lists. What a challenge! I tend to know myself pretty well. I also know how to communicate fairly well; however, whether I choose to is another matter entirely. Still, looking at this list makes me second-guess every communication segment I've seen on The Today Show for... as long as I've been watching The Today Show. Here's example #2(another challenge!):
I definitely relate to this on both sides. Like I said, I think I am pretty effective in how I communicate but these days I seem to be choosing not to communicate. I admit this must be pretty frustrating. On the other hand, from my perspective, it seems pointless to communicate when I don't perceive actions that warrant that communication. Definitely something to think about... [Hold that thought!: Segue to future post]
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Life
Is it really only Thursday?
You have GOT to be kidding me...
Then I remember this gem I found on pinterest yesterday:
Blast, pinterest, I hate it when you're right. And when you're right you're right.
You have GOT to be kidding me...
Then I remember this gem I found on pinterest yesterday:
Blast, pinterest, I hate it when you're right. And when you're right you're right.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
“We create our own destiny”
Yesterday I got a call from our main office, filling me in on benefits. I doubt I'll bother with the hassle since I will be eligible for such a short time. But I was told to go see our bookkeeper for information, so I went. This might not make sense without knowing my coworkers, but our conversation about the irony of being told I have an expiration date, as I like to call it, one week and being given full time - with the option of benefits - two weeks later... we laughed so hard we cried! Luckily no one else knew why we were laughing, otherwise they might think we were losing it.
Today was a pretty stellar day. First of all, Tuesdays are my day off, my Saturday. I let myself sleep in a little bit later than usual. Got off to a fairly slow, relaxed start, but all in all I got a lot of stuff done. I did laundry, cleaned my bathroom, washed some old toys to get ready for my nephews, baked scones, made lunch for the next three days of work (3 broccoli, cucumber, celery salads and an Asian noodle dish with carrots and cabbage for the entree), washed a lot of dishes, washed recyclables, sorted the rest of the recyclables for next time, took out the trash, bagged up more trash, washed some stuff to donate, and boxed up the stuff to donate... I think I hit the high points. My bathroom is basically spotless. All of the "problem areas" (aka projects in waiting) in my bedroom and slowly being taken care of.
Today was a pretty stellar day. First of all, Tuesdays are my day off, my Saturday. I let myself sleep in a little bit later than usual. Got off to a fairly slow, relaxed start, but all in all I got a lot of stuff done. I did laundry, cleaned my bathroom, washed some old toys to get ready for my nephews, baked scones, made lunch for the next three days of work (3 broccoli, cucumber, celery salads and an Asian noodle dish with carrots and cabbage for the entree), washed a lot of dishes, washed recyclables, sorted the rest of the recyclables for next time, took out the trash, bagged up more trash, washed some stuff to donate, and boxed up the stuff to donate... I think I hit the high points. My bathroom is basically spotless. All of the "problem areas" (aka projects in waiting) in my bedroom and slowly being taken care of.
I watched last week's episode of "Grey's Anatomy". It was the 'alternate universe' theme. What would our lives be like if they weren't the lives we have now? If we had chosen differently? etc etc. Two of the characters kept repeating their mantra, to inspire a doormat-attending: “We create our own destiny” Of course, at the end of the episode, the characters appear to make decisions that would still lead them to the relationships that they have in "real" life. As if to say that things are meant to happen the way they happen, sometimes it just takes longer for them to get there. You know the gist.
“We create our own destiny”: that's an interesting topic. Rationally, I'm a Christian - and I believe in pre-destination. So obviously I don't create my own destiny. Emotionally (and maybe rationally) I still do though. Perhaps God has my life planned out, and He knows where I'm going to end up, but I still have to do my part don't I? I can't just sit around and wait for things to happen. (I know I could, but if you know me you know I am terrible at sitting still and not being active, so...) I've been decimating my to-do list recently. Perhaps God gave me the determination and energy to make it happen, but I recognized the desire and took the steps to accomplish it. I feel much better with some of these tasks completed.
Admittedly, I'm kind of an emotional disaster though. I've been in contact with three of my best female friends these past few days and today was no exception. It even involved a phone call with my best friend where I found myself on the verge of tears for no apparent reason. [I'm not even one of those girls who cries at every occasion. Normally, I couldn't make myself cry if I wanted to...] I watch the Bachelor and the Bachelorette shows. I've always said it's because I'm a "hopeless romantic." That's everyone's excuse, right? Only today I realized that is not true. It turns out I'm actually more of a worst-case-scenario romantic pessimist. And I really just want to please those around me. A lethal combination for sure.
I could go on with my self analysis. I have thought it through further, trying to get to the epicenter of my character flaws. Unfortunately, Wednesday is my late day at work and I really just want to go relax with a bubble bath in my freshly cleaned bathroom and go to bed.
I can go to bed thankful. I am better off than I deserve. I have been very blessed.
This picture is from New Orleans in 2009. Post-Katrina, the phrase "Keep calm and carry on" became the mantra for the city. Now, for the time being, this is all I can do. This is what I must do. Keep calm and carry on.
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Unexpected: Take Two
Apparently, as of February 1st, I'm full time.
WHAT???!!!
My feelings exactly. Less than two weeks after being told I have an expiration date (not in those exact words), I'm told that I will be given full time for the remainder of my tenure at work. And benefits.
I just wrote my updated schedule on my calendar. I think I might die. The problem is this: I work what a normal person works in five days - but I work it in four, plus a Saturday. I'm exhausted already.
Downside: Well, there are really several reasons that this might end badly...
Upside: Nothing can whip my butt into shape quite like the impending demise my free time/social life. I cleaned my work desk. I sorted two shoe boxes full of financial documents that, quite frankly, I have been avoiding for a very, very long time. I cleaned out my dresser, adding a few items to my "no longer needed" pile. Even for being an organization freak as of late, my room looks especially organized right now.
All in all, today was a pretty good day. Work was good. I spent lots of quality time with my cats. Watched a few episodes of Laguna Beach: Season 2. Don't judge me; some guilty pleasures are good for the soul. Now Lucius is pestering me because I'm not paying enough attention to him. Men... Unfortunately for me, he's too cute to be replaced. Guess I'll just have to distract him with catnip instead. [He is now cleverly sitting onto of my mouse and mouse pad, even while my hand is on the mouse. I guess some guys know how to get what they want.]
I've been thinking a lot about happiness lately. There are a million things I could say, but I want to try to be gracious and kind. I will say that all I can do is follow my heart and what will make me happy. Intense, acute pain is better than lasting pain. As much as I may feel displeased by the choices that others have made, I have to trust that they are doing what will make them happy. Even when their logic is ill-reasoned. Even when I work through what they are saying to gather what they really mean - and they might not even realize it comes across so harsh and shallow.
I want to be happy. I want to please myself, and maybe one day someone else. Preferably someone who "gets" me fully. Back to happiness. I've been thinking about a) people whom I admire and b) periods in my life that I most closely relate with happiness. I've been struggling with the TV debate. To watch or not to watch (that is the question). Upon further reflection, I think I've had it backwards. I think I need to spend less time on the computer, while essentially maintaining my current television viewing pattern. My reasoning is that I'm much better at multitasking while watching television, I'm much more active while watching television, my periods associated with happiness were not spent logging long hours on the internet, and lastly the people I admire do not waste a lot of time on the internet. They do not waste a lot of time watching television either, but this point is moot because in my case television serves as a background for productivity. This realization is also convenient considering that I just ordered two seasons of two of my favorite shows on DVD. But regardless I stand by my perception and believe that, at least in my case, it rings true.
I'm not exactly sure what the future holds, but here's to 2012 and positive life changes!!!
WHAT???!!!
My feelings exactly. Less than two weeks after being told I have an expiration date (not in those exact words), I'm told that I will be given full time for the remainder of my tenure at work. And benefits.
I just wrote my updated schedule on my calendar. I think I might die. The problem is this: I work what a normal person works in five days - but I work it in four, plus a Saturday. I'm exhausted already.
Downside: Well, there are really several reasons that this might end badly...
Upside: Nothing can whip my butt into shape quite like the impending demise my free time/social life. I cleaned my work desk. I sorted two shoe boxes full of financial documents that, quite frankly, I have been avoiding for a very, very long time. I cleaned out my dresser, adding a few items to my "no longer needed" pile. Even for being an organization freak as of late, my room looks especially organized right now.
All in all, today was a pretty good day. Work was good. I spent lots of quality time with my cats. Watched a few episodes of Laguna Beach: Season 2. Don't judge me; some guilty pleasures are good for the soul. Now Lucius is pestering me because I'm not paying enough attention to him. Men... Unfortunately for me, he's too cute to be replaced. Guess I'll just have to distract him with catnip instead. [He is now cleverly sitting onto of my mouse and mouse pad, even while my hand is on the mouse. I guess some guys know how to get what they want.]
I've been thinking a lot about happiness lately. There are a million things I could say, but I want to try to be gracious and kind. I will say that all I can do is follow my heart and what will make me happy. Intense, acute pain is better than lasting pain. As much as I may feel displeased by the choices that others have made, I have to trust that they are doing what will make them happy. Even when their logic is ill-reasoned. Even when I work through what they are saying to gather what they really mean - and they might not even realize it comes across so harsh and shallow.
"It's a good idea not to live your life just to please others. You don't please yourself and you end up not pleasing anyone else. But if you please yourself, maybe you'll please someone else." -Groucho Marx
I want to be happy. I want to please myself, and maybe one day someone else. Preferably someone who "gets" me fully. Back to happiness. I've been thinking about a) people whom I admire and b) periods in my life that I most closely relate with happiness. I've been struggling with the TV debate. To watch or not to watch (that is the question). Upon further reflection, I think I've had it backwards. I think I need to spend less time on the computer, while essentially maintaining my current television viewing pattern. My reasoning is that I'm much better at multitasking while watching television, I'm much more active while watching television, my periods associated with happiness were not spent logging long hours on the internet, and lastly the people I admire do not waste a lot of time on the internet. They do not waste a lot of time watching television either, but this point is moot because in my case television serves as a background for productivity. This realization is also convenient considering that I just ordered two seasons of two of my favorite shows on DVD. But regardless I stand by my perception and believe that, at least in my case, it rings true.
I'm not exactly sure what the future holds, but here's to 2012 and positive life changes!!!
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Breathing Room
In the past two days I have worked four times as much as I was originally scheduled.
I'm exhausted just thinking about it.
I always get a little bit cranky working overtime. (who doesn't?) I feel rushed and overstressed. I feel like I don't have enough free time to decompress from the work day. Never mind getting things done around the house... However, I wasn't prepared for the feelings of frustration and resentment to hit me so soon. Yes, they told me if I go to Africa (my dream!) that I wouldn't have a job. I wasn't planning on going back anyway, yet the finality of being told that it wasn't even an option as been emotionally caustic. Much more, and much earlier (I'll still be there until May!) than I expected. [Side note: Bennie and the Jets just started playing on Pandora. is it possible to not smile/laugh/be happy hearing that song?]
So it's winter. I don't know if it's SAD or just winter in general, but I always get crabbier and want to sleep. Constantly. And I'm overworked. And it's at a job that a) isn't appreciative of employees at the best of times and b) has already given me an expiration date. Also, because I'm overworked, I haven't had time to get outside and run. Honestly, I'm not exactly sure how to counteract all of this bad momentum.
But it's Wednesday. I love Wednesday. It is my late day. Late day = late morning. I still wake up at my usual time, but I'm not on my usual timeline. I have breathing room. Knowing that I have to capitalize on these two free hours for my job and my sanity, I planned out my to-do list last night. I did a once-over to kidnap any stray sock or garment, and placed the laundry basket in plain view. I also gathered ingredients to make another batch of my beloved breakfast scones. [They're my thing. What I need to get going in the morning. I've made chocolate chip and cranberry orange with extra cranberries. This batch is currant with chocolate bits and pecans. Y-U-M!] So when I woke up, I promptly (after 30 minutes of lounging and watching the Today Show) wandered downstairs, turned on the oven, poured some tea, did my laundry, made three salads and three entrees (for my next three shifts of work). And I made scones.
Now I sit. I have eaten my scone, an orange and (drank) two cups of tea. I have packed the snacks in my lunch. [Pandora has moved on to "More Than A Feeling" by Boston. It makes this spring-like day feel that much more like spring.] I'm finding out who got eliminated on last night's episode of the Biggest Loser.
Alas, it's already time for work... lame.
I'm exhausted just thinking about it.
I always get a little bit cranky working overtime. (who doesn't?) I feel rushed and overstressed. I feel like I don't have enough free time to decompress from the work day. Never mind getting things done around the house... However, I wasn't prepared for the feelings of frustration and resentment to hit me so soon. Yes, they told me if I go to Africa (my dream!) that I wouldn't have a job. I wasn't planning on going back anyway, yet the finality of being told that it wasn't even an option as been emotionally caustic. Much more, and much earlier (I'll still be there until May!) than I expected. [Side note: Bennie and the Jets just started playing on Pandora. is it possible to not smile/laugh/be happy hearing that song?]
So it's winter. I don't know if it's SAD or just winter in general, but I always get crabbier and want to sleep. Constantly. And I'm overworked. And it's at a job that a) isn't appreciative of employees at the best of times and b) has already given me an expiration date. Also, because I'm overworked, I haven't had time to get outside and run. Honestly, I'm not exactly sure how to counteract all of this bad momentum.
But it's Wednesday. I love Wednesday. It is my late day. Late day = late morning. I still wake up at my usual time, but I'm not on my usual timeline. I have breathing room. Knowing that I have to capitalize on these two free hours for my job and my sanity, I planned out my to-do list last night. I did a once-over to kidnap any stray sock or garment, and placed the laundry basket in plain view. I also gathered ingredients to make another batch of my beloved breakfast scones. [They're my thing. What I need to get going in the morning. I've made chocolate chip and cranberry orange with extra cranberries. This batch is currant with chocolate bits and pecans. Y-U-M!] So when I woke up, I promptly (after 30 minutes of lounging and watching the Today Show) wandered downstairs, turned on the oven, poured some tea, did my laundry, made three salads and three entrees (for my next three shifts of work). And I made scones.
Now I sit. I have eaten my scone, an orange and (drank) two cups of tea. I have packed the snacks in my lunch. [Pandora has moved on to "More Than A Feeling" by Boston. It makes this spring-like day feel that much more like spring.] I'm finding out who got eliminated on last night's episode of the Biggest Loser.
Alas, it's already time for work... lame.
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