er... Happy Halloween?
No tricks this year; my treat is a week in Florida!!!
Monday, October 31, 2011
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Fall
I love fall. And I love Halloween. I love Halloween mostly because a) it seems to be an integral part of fall b) gives me an excuse to dress like an idiot (er in a costume) in public and c) because it is the kickoff of the holiday season in my opinion. I always watch Sweet November in the beginning of November. Since I'm going on vacation on November 1st, I'm just going to have to watch it on Halloween.
As the holidays are approaching, it boggles my mind to think how much I have been through in the last 18 months. Graduating college. Witnessing the marriage of four dear friends. Experiencing the demise of my brother's marriage. Cleaning out my closet. (seriously.) Going on a business trip with my boss; my boss being let go almost immediately after our return. My work life doing a 180. Investing myself in two different relationships. Three months ago I planned this vacation with the intent of seeing someone. Now that its almost here, I'd just as soon spend the time alone. I am indifferent. Even in the last month there is a drastic change. I think it's a positive one.
Life isn't easy. Life is messy. But it's better than we deserve.
Life is so much more when we engage it, embrace it. Experiences are everything. Colors are brighter, memories are more vivid, love is stronger - even sleep is more restful. I may come with baggage, but I wouldn't change it. (Which is good, because I can't.) I'm a child of dysfunction. Bearing the scars of divorce (one set of grandparents, three sets of aunts/uncles) and familial discord. I hope this helps me better appreciate relationships in my life. I hope one day this helps me create a better home for my family.
For now, I marvel at the changes and rejoice in a soft bed.
"Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." -Psalm 37:4
As the holidays are approaching, it boggles my mind to think how much I have been through in the last 18 months. Graduating college. Witnessing the marriage of four dear friends. Experiencing the demise of my brother's marriage. Cleaning out my closet. (seriously.) Going on a business trip with my boss; my boss being let go almost immediately after our return. My work life doing a 180. Investing myself in two different relationships. Three months ago I planned this vacation with the intent of seeing someone. Now that its almost here, I'd just as soon spend the time alone. I am indifferent. Even in the last month there is a drastic change. I think it's a positive one.
Life isn't easy. Life is messy. But it's better than we deserve.
Life is so much more when we engage it, embrace it. Experiences are everything. Colors are brighter, memories are more vivid, love is stronger - even sleep is more restful. I may come with baggage, but I wouldn't change it. (Which is good, because I can't.) I'm a child of dysfunction. Bearing the scars of divorce (one set of grandparents, three sets of aunts/uncles) and familial discord. I hope this helps me better appreciate relationships in my life. I hope one day this helps me create a better home for my family.
For now, I marvel at the changes and rejoice in a soft bed.
"Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." -Psalm 37:4
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Blessings
Today was such a blessed day!
I'm thankful for good friends, hot tea, motivated staff meetings, dinners with family, and productive evenings. It's amazing how small tasks (that seem so big) can be tackled so swiftly, and change your entire perspective. Also, in about an hour, faced with another long day of work tomorrow, I'm going to be especially grateful for a clean bed and a cool pillow.
I'm thankful for good friends, hot tea, motivated staff meetings, dinners with family, and productive evenings. It's amazing how small tasks (that seem so big) can be tackled so swiftly, and change your entire perspective. Also, in about an hour, faced with another long day of work tomorrow, I'm going to be especially grateful for a clean bed and a cool pillow.
Intelligence
I did attack my bookshelf yesterday. I did not take allergy medicine. Which means I feel like I've been hit by a train. awesome. (Okay, I was also burning candles... maybe that was it. No candles until I'm back from my half marathon just in case.) I also baked. I made a batch of chocolate chip scones, and then wrapped them in aluminum foil. I can just pop them in the toaster oven to warm up and there I go: the breakfast of champions! (See, sometimes I do make intelligent choices.) You can see what Merriam-Webster says about intelligence here. To me, intelligence is interpreting information in context and making the most appropriate choice. I know I need to eat breakfast, and I know I need to get to work early. Viola, the scone plan is born.
In Bible study, we've been reanalyzing some of our favorite "children's" Bible stories. All but two of them were Old Testament. The Old Testament is about obeying God, plain and simple. Things are announced as matter-of-fact, there is not a relationship tone (as we see in the New Testament). At first glance, rereading our stories in context, most of us had to wonder "why was this a children's story?!" The two stories I presented were Lot (that's a real upper!) and Daniel in the lions den (par-tay!) BUT when the stories were read, truly in context, things made sense. We could pull out the greater themes. Find the greater good, despite the horrible events.
Sodom and Gomorrah were destroyed, but God used that to help Abraham understand, and ultimately deepen Abraham's faith in God. Lot hadn't been doing what God had asked of him; he could have perished in the city as well. Even though he had compromised on God's standards, God was still merciful. Even though God had heard how terrible the injustice of Sodom and Gomorrah had become, He still sent angels to see the cities first hand. He had to make sure things were unchanged before He acted out judgment. He takes the control of our lives very seriously, because He loves us.
The lions den was not so bad in comparison to the story of Lot. The only hard part is when the accusers, along with their families and children, were thrown into the lions den. I like this story. It's a testament to the dilemma of who you want to be: do you want to be cool or do you want to be trustworthy?
My current dilemmas:
Work: adapting to new coworkers, and new dynamics that come with the new coworkers. new expectations. good expectations, but poor execution in achieving those expectations.
Church: general growing pains.
Africa: I can only do so much so fast. People keep asking questions that they want set answers to. Set answers are something I cannot provide just yet.
Running: two weeks. yikes!
Time: never enough
Today I have class and a meeting. I also want to go running and check off my to-do list. Maybe more baking... Pulling out the suitcase and starting to pack and finding a rental car. (yikes!) Hopefully some quiet devotion time, including time to look at my dilemmas intelligently and face them accordingly. Happy Tuesday!!!
In Bible study, we've been reanalyzing some of our favorite "children's" Bible stories. All but two of them were Old Testament. The Old Testament is about obeying God, plain and simple. Things are announced as matter-of-fact, there is not a relationship tone (as we see in the New Testament). At first glance, rereading our stories in context, most of us had to wonder "why was this a children's story?!" The two stories I presented were Lot (that's a real upper!) and Daniel in the lions den (par-tay!) BUT when the stories were read, truly in context, things made sense. We could pull out the greater themes. Find the greater good, despite the horrible events.
Sodom and Gomorrah were destroyed, but God used that to help Abraham understand, and ultimately deepen Abraham's faith in God. Lot hadn't been doing what God had asked of him; he could have perished in the city as well. Even though he had compromised on God's standards, God was still merciful. Even though God had heard how terrible the injustice of Sodom and Gomorrah had become, He still sent angels to see the cities first hand. He had to make sure things were unchanged before He acted out judgment. He takes the control of our lives very seriously, because He loves us.
The lions den was not so bad in comparison to the story of Lot. The only hard part is when the accusers, along with their families and children, were thrown into the lions den. I like this story. It's a testament to the dilemma of who you want to be: do you want to be cool or do you want to be trustworthy?
My current dilemmas:
Work: adapting to new coworkers, and new dynamics that come with the new coworkers. new expectations. good expectations, but poor execution in achieving those expectations.
Church: general growing pains.
Africa: I can only do so much so fast. People keep asking questions that they want set answers to. Set answers are something I cannot provide just yet.
Running: two weeks. yikes!
Time: never enough
Today I have class and a meeting. I also want to go running and check off my to-do list. Maybe more baking... Pulling out the suitcase and starting to pack and finding a rental car. (yikes!) Hopefully some quiet devotion time, including time to look at my dilemmas intelligently and face them accordingly. Happy Tuesday!!!
Sunday, October 23, 2011
I'm in a Box!!!
Last night we had our homeless experience. I have to say it was pretty awesome!
First, we set up our boxes, aka "Hooverville", for the night and prepped a fire. We were going to make things as hard as possible for the youth, but a congregation member gave them a lighter to start a fire. Lucky ducks...
Then we all shared stories, mostly told by the adults, of people we had come across personally or heard through others and the hardships they've had to face.
Our congregation is awesome! We were only surviving on whatever was donated to us. We were given hobo beans, cornbread, bananas, applesauce, soda, marshmallows, homemade buns, more homemade buns and meatloaf. We were also donated plastic wear, cups and plates. The adults decided what we would eat (hobo buns, cornbread, banana, homemade buns and meatloaf) and what we would donate to the local homeless shelter (everything else). Since we were donating our plastic wear, cups and plates, we would need to barter with a local resident to get utensils to eat dinner. We decided the marshmallows would be our item of most value and we set out to find someone to trade with.
Here is a picture of the youth bartering their marshmallows for plastic wear and plates.
Our view for the night. Life is rough...
We allowed the youth to bring the clothes on their back, a coat, and a blanket OR sleeping bag. No cellphones, iPods, electronics, pillows, etc. Everyone had only a box for shelter. We did have a fire for warmth. We were outside for about 20 hours. No technology, no connection to the outside world. Just each other. And it was great!
We were also donated hot water and hot chocolate mix. We didn't have any way to keep it hot, but minor details. Our minister for the day slept out with us and used that in her children's sermon. The hot water was a good thing. It was a gift that we really needed. It warmed us up after we had been outside for about 6 hours. It was a good thing. But sometimes good things can become bad things. All of the little individual good things in our lives can turn into one big crazy distraction. A mess of signals and emotions distracting us from God. There was another minister in town for the weekend who stopped over to see us last night. He told us his subject to preach on this weekend: worship. His topic for the sermon was how humans were created for worship. The devil isn't trying to get us to not worship - he just wants us to not worship God. This pastor said: "if you don't think you have adultery in your life, then turn off ESPN." [context: he said this to a congregation in western Pennsylvania, aka the Steeler Nation; not to mention college football, namely PSU and PITT.] Football is kindof a big deal here. Where Church attendance, and attire, is a reflection of the football schedule. A good, harmless thing that can end up dragging us down spiritually.
Since I've been getting rid of things for the past year, this is something that is comfortable to me. An area where I know I can push myself out of my comfort zone, without losing too much comfort in the end. Last night as I was laying in my box. With only the most basic needs of shelter met, I was thinking about the stuff that is still in my room. The "could, should, would"s. My friend referenced the 90 day rule to me and it just has stuck in the back of my mind. I've gotten rid of lots of things. So I should be more available to focus on what's left, right? I have a lot of books, for one, that I haven't read still sitting on my bookshelf because it's a book, classic or otherwise, that I "should" read. I have a few miscellaneous items that I "could" use. But is "would" ever going to become "will" or "do"? And even if it's a classic, even if it's a Christian book, if it's ultimately distracting me from the Bible, how good is it really?
Thankfully, tomorrow is yet another day off. It will be another relaxed day. Some more cleaning. Attacking the bookshelf. And hopefully lots of quiet time to reflect. Our Bible discussed a reading plan tonight, so I hope to start that tomorrow as well. I'm pretty sure there was at least one other thing I wanted to discuss, but inhaling all of the smoke from the fire last night must have effected me because I cannot remember what it was at all... Either way my little man, of the feline persuasion, is still miffed at me for not coming home last night. Apparently I have to go to bed, so he can relax and go to bed. Silly (yet adoringly devoted) animals!
Saturday, October 22, 2011
To Live is Christ
“Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky his is to have you.... The one who turns to his friends and says, 'that's her.'”
Within the past few years I've noticed this quote getting a lot of use in my circle of friends. The problem is, I think the guys have started to catch on. "Hey, I think you're beautiful." which really means: "Sure, you're religious and I'm not, and I go out to bars and you don't, but I think you're beautiful so maybe we could give it a shot?" Story of my life. Please find a new pickup line. This one's broken. Better luck next time...
It has been a rough week, and I haven't been able to run either, so I'll admit it: I'm a little bit touchy. To make matters worse, we've been planning a homeless experience for the junior and senior high schoolers. They all seemed excited at first, but now I'm not exactly sure how many are attending. Okay, okay - I know, they're teenagers... but still! Even my two brothers aren't joining me. We were originally planning to spend the night outside. My mom was not a fan. It's going to be too cold anyway, so we're staying out until midnight and then sleeping in the church. They still aren't coming. I think they just aren't prepared to disconnect from all forms of technology for that long... but that's just my take on the situation.
I think the most disappointing aspect for me is just the attitudes that have come to light through planning this experience. We've done it before - in November! - so it's not a new thing, though it has been a few years (7?) And our pastor is no longer here. I think if there are things going on that individuals do not agree with, they should examine the issue. First to see why they don't agree with it, and second to determine if their opinion is correct or misguided. I understand my mom's concern over being outside all night - but I still don't agree with it. We don't live in the tundra, one night in the cold won't kill us. And, even if we were still sleeping outside, we're allowed to bring sleeping bags! There is no "best" time to be homeless. In the winter, people worry about being out in the cold. If we had done this in the summer, people would be worried about hydration. (We aren't taking food or water with us either.) To me the whole point is experiencing someone else's pain. If I were actually homeless, I wouldn't be able to pick and choose my housing status based on weather patterns... Like I said, I think my brother's are just piggy-backing on my mom's concerns to ensure a night with the usual comforts. TV, xbox, computer, internet, cellphone... they're connected to their electronics. [Maybe I was adopted afterall...] Jesus didn't ask the disciples to spend one night outside. He asked them to leave the comforts of home permanently.
I remember growing up and going to summer camp. I went to a Christian camp. I remember one counselor commenting that everyone, except for Christ, in our lives would hurt us - even our "soul mates" (if that's what you call them). I thought that was the dumbest thing ever. If that was true why would people bother getting married? I've never considered myself to really have the stereotypical Christian upbringing (though who knows, maybe it's more stereotypical than I think). As I've grown I've encountered numerous hurts and disappointments. I feel like certain incidents, in regards to my parents, this fall have cemented my unrest with my parents. To the point that a) I don't want them to think they have any input in my choosing whom I want to marry and b) at this point, I don't really care if they attend or not. I don't even know if I want to have a formal ceremony/reception! (Though I would deal with it, if the guy wanted one.) I know that sounds harsh, but when I was 18 my older brother got married and my father did not attend. Any chance of the "fairytale wedding" spiel ended there. If I find someone who is a supportive, caring guy and a Christian that makes decisions as a reaction to Christianity, not other people, that is more than enough for me.
"For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain." -Philippians 1:21
Within the past few years I've noticed this quote getting a lot of use in my circle of friends. The problem is, I think the guys have started to catch on. "Hey, I think you're beautiful." which really means: "Sure, you're religious and I'm not, and I go out to bars and you don't, but I think you're beautiful so maybe we could give it a shot?" Story of my life. Please find a new pickup line. This one's broken. Better luck next time...
It has been a rough week, and I haven't been able to run either, so I'll admit it: I'm a little bit touchy. To make matters worse, we've been planning a homeless experience for the junior and senior high schoolers. They all seemed excited at first, but now I'm not exactly sure how many are attending. Okay, okay - I know, they're teenagers... but still! Even my two brothers aren't joining me. We were originally planning to spend the night outside. My mom was not a fan. It's going to be too cold anyway, so we're staying out until midnight and then sleeping in the church. They still aren't coming. I think they just aren't prepared to disconnect from all forms of technology for that long... but that's just my take on the situation.
I think the most disappointing aspect for me is just the attitudes that have come to light through planning this experience. We've done it before - in November! - so it's not a new thing, though it has been a few years (7?) And our pastor is no longer here. I think if there are things going on that individuals do not agree with, they should examine the issue. First to see why they don't agree with it, and second to determine if their opinion is correct or misguided. I understand my mom's concern over being outside all night - but I still don't agree with it. We don't live in the tundra, one night in the cold won't kill us. And, even if we were still sleeping outside, we're allowed to bring sleeping bags! There is no "best" time to be homeless. In the winter, people worry about being out in the cold. If we had done this in the summer, people would be worried about hydration. (We aren't taking food or water with us either.) To me the whole point is experiencing someone else's pain. If I were actually homeless, I wouldn't be able to pick and choose my housing status based on weather patterns... Like I said, I think my brother's are just piggy-backing on my mom's concerns to ensure a night with the usual comforts. TV, xbox, computer, internet, cellphone... they're connected to their electronics. [Maybe I was adopted afterall...] Jesus didn't ask the disciples to spend one night outside. He asked them to leave the comforts of home permanently.
I remember growing up and going to summer camp. I went to a Christian camp. I remember one counselor commenting that everyone, except for Christ, in our lives would hurt us - even our "soul mates" (if that's what you call them). I thought that was the dumbest thing ever. If that was true why would people bother getting married? I've never considered myself to really have the stereotypical Christian upbringing (though who knows, maybe it's more stereotypical than I think). As I've grown I've encountered numerous hurts and disappointments. I feel like certain incidents, in regards to my parents, this fall have cemented my unrest with my parents. To the point that a) I don't want them to think they have any input in my choosing whom I want to marry and b) at this point, I don't really care if they attend or not. I don't even know if I want to have a formal ceremony/reception! (Though I would deal with it, if the guy wanted one.) I know that sounds harsh, but when I was 18 my older brother got married and my father did not attend. Any chance of the "fairytale wedding" spiel ended there. If I find someone who is a supportive, caring guy and a Christian that makes decisions as a reaction to Christianity, not other people, that is more than enough for me.
"As for me, may I never boast about anything except the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ. Because of that cross, my interest in this world has been crucified, and the world's interest in me has also died." -Galatians 6:14
"What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ." -Philippians 3:8
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Why Worry
Last night I spent the evening with my little man. I fed him some broth, until I discovered that he will just keep eating. Like a catfish. I don't know if little ones worry about food security, after all his mom was just on the couch - still in eyesight, but he ate and ate and ate. He nursed shortly after I fed him the broth, and he ate until he spit up, probably because there was no more room in his little stomach. Our miniature glutton... Insert joy of returning messy babies to their biological parents, lol!
Then we have Lindsay Lohan, who is probably going to jail. Again. For not doing what most of society probably considers to be reasonable tasks after her legal history: community service, psychological counseling, and a Shoplifters Anonymous course. Of course she's been in this legal do-se-do since 2007 and served a mere 14 days of her last jail sentence. Obviously she's gotten away with it without severe ramifications so far; who needs accountability?
Babies that eat as if it's their last meal. Adults who ignore punishment because others enable them too. It's a problem across the board - in the world, and in the Church. The Church I've grown up in focuses so much on the "do not judge" mentality. [Matthew 7:1-6] It's one thing to strive to not cast harsh judgments, but it's another thing to have no accountability. I got into a debate about this with my high school students a few weeks ago. Good times right?
Baby catfish. Lindsay Lohan and lost accountability. Are you still with me?
As for me? My current, blatant, shortcoming is worry. Somewhere after seeing the baby I've started to affectionally call "catfish" and before reading the latest on the saga of Lindsay Lohan, I attempted to *ahem* plan out some details for this whole Africa deal. That went really well, friends... I think all I did was give myself an anxiety attack. Wondering if I still have enough time. Wondering how on earth "I" can pull it together. Yet still knowing that "I" will not be "pulling" anything together. "If God brings me to it, HE will bring me through it." All that jazz... I even took a shower in an attempt to wind down a bit. No dice. Needless to say, I laid in bed for an hour and a half before even falling asleep. I said the Lord's prayer three times. [I'm not sure precisely when the habit started. I'm pretty sure it involved a dentist's visit without Novocaine...] I tried my best to quote Matthew 6:25-34 by memory. When I went to Church camp I remember one of my cabin-mates making up a rhyme to memorize it. Unfortunately I can't remember the tune, or the entire scripture, but at least I memorized the important points. Either way, the Lord's prayer works much better. I find it works best if you actually are cognizant of the words you're praying. "Thy will be done" "Thine is the kingdom" Good stuff. Still almost two hours before I could sleep though. Now I get to go to work. Nothing like working almost double the amount of hours you've slept, am I right?
Then we have Lindsay Lohan, who is probably going to jail. Again. For not doing what most of society probably considers to be reasonable tasks after her legal history: community service, psychological counseling, and a Shoplifters Anonymous course. Of course she's been in this legal do-se-do since 2007 and served a mere 14 days of her last jail sentence. Obviously she's gotten away with it without severe ramifications so far; who needs accountability?
Babies that eat as if it's their last meal. Adults who ignore punishment because others enable them too. It's a problem across the board - in the world, and in the Church. The Church I've grown up in focuses so much on the "do not judge" mentality. [Matthew 7:1-6] It's one thing to strive to not cast harsh judgments, but it's another thing to have no accountability. I got into a debate about this with my high school students a few weeks ago. Good times right?
Baby catfish. Lindsay Lohan and lost accountability. Are you still with me?
As for me? My current, blatant, shortcoming is worry. Somewhere after seeing the baby I've started to affectionally call "catfish" and before reading the latest on the saga of Lindsay Lohan, I attempted to *ahem* plan out some details for this whole Africa deal. That went really well, friends... I think all I did was give myself an anxiety attack. Wondering if I still have enough time. Wondering how on earth "I" can pull it together. Yet still knowing that "I" will not be "pulling" anything together. "If God brings me to it, HE will bring me through it." All that jazz... I even took a shower in an attempt to wind down a bit. No dice. Needless to say, I laid in bed for an hour and a half before even falling asleep. I said the Lord's prayer three times. [I'm not sure precisely when the habit started. I'm pretty sure it involved a dentist's visit without Novocaine...] I tried my best to quote Matthew 6:25-34 by memory. When I went to Church camp I remember one of my cabin-mates making up a rhyme to memorize it. Unfortunately I can't remember the tune, or the entire scripture, but at least I memorized the important points. Either way, the Lord's prayer works much better. I find it works best if you actually are cognizant of the words you're praying. "Thy will be done" "Thine is the kingdom" Good stuff. Still almost two hours before I could sleep though. Now I get to go to work. Nothing like working almost double the amount of hours you've slept, am I right?
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?
“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." -Matthew 6:25-34
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Good Things
Yesterday I had the day off. For the record, I also had last Monday off. I know what you're thinking: "Jess, that's two days off after working two full months!" And you'd be correct. Yesterday was a good day. I watched movies and ripped apart my room, again. I'm slowly, methodically, getting rid of things that I don't really need. My room is slowly becoming devoid of things. This is great for the cats. They love to explore. And/or take naps in new spots I've created. Also, I cleaned the fish tank... you can bet that I caught Lucius clawing at the glass today! It was just a good day all around. So today I'm thankful for days off, for fall cleaning, and days to take care of myself. I like to be alone. I love alone time; I relish alone time. I feel like I'm constantly on the go, so when I get a chance I stop. Everything. I ignore my cell phone and debate with myself. Pros and cons. "Should"s, "would"s, and "could"s. One of my best friends was trying to get me to come over yesterday. Even tried bribing me with stir-fry. It was a very close call, but ultimately, I'm glad I stayed at home. I accomplished more things, and I feel refreshed.
Things have been challenging me. We completed our first Sunday without our pastor, who had been there for 18 years. My presentation for the Session was a success. I've mentioned before that I tend to shy away. I'm the one hiding in the corner. I am generally not bold in my faith. [I have a vivid memory of a couple at Bible study praying for boldness in their faith, and that has stuck with me.] Because I am uncomfortable when I am trying to be bold, I like to be uber-prepared. I generally overcompensate because I forget that the people I'm presenting for are often less conservative than I am. That is to say that their lifestyle choices are not so obviously a reflection of Christianity. So I presented more information than they probably needed to hear, but oh well.
The other side of this equation of course, is finding out how I mesh with people who do not live their lives according to the same belief set. That is the challenge of the year, evidently. Lots to work through...
"Let us give thanks to the Lord for His unfailing love and His wonderful deeds for man, for He satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things." -Psalm 107:8-9
Things have been challenging me. We completed our first Sunday without our pastor, who had been there for 18 years. My presentation for the Session was a success. I've mentioned before that I tend to shy away. I'm the one hiding in the corner. I am generally not bold in my faith. [I have a vivid memory of a couple at Bible study praying for boldness in their faith, and that has stuck with me.] Because I am uncomfortable when I am trying to be bold, I like to be uber-prepared. I generally overcompensate because I forget that the people I'm presenting for are often less conservative than I am. That is to say that their lifestyle choices are not so obviously a reflection of Christianity. So I presented more information than they probably needed to hear, but oh well.
The other side of this equation of course, is finding out how I mesh with people who do not live their lives according to the same belief set. That is the challenge of the year, evidently. Lots to work through...
Sunday, October 16, 2011
In Everything Give Thanks
I've been experiencing some challenges lately. It's easy to become distracted by changes in interpersonal relationships, but ultimately, I have to remember how blessed I am.
"Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." -1 Thessalonians 5:18 [NIV]
I purchased a magnetic sign for my room that says "in everything give thanks" along with the black baseboard to hold it. It's a reminder to myself, as well as a challenge, to remember that things could always be worse and that my life isn't so bad. I have family, shelter, and food - and a job.
"Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." -1 Thessalonians 5:18 [NIV]
I purchased a magnetic sign for my room that says "in everything give thanks" along with the black baseboard to hold it. It's a reminder to myself, as well as a challenge, to remember that things could always be worse and that my life isn't so bad. I have family, shelter, and food - and a job.
Monday, October 10, 2011
Leap of Faith: Part 1
"I'm off to see the Session" [sung to "I'm off to see the Wizard, the Wonderful Wizard of Oz]
Since 2008 I have had an iron in my heart burning for Africa.
Tonight, I am attending the Session meeting at my Church to present my plan and hopefully get permission to hold a information session and fundraiser for the members of my Church that would like to support my journey. But I'm not inherently bold when it comes to my faith and my tiny heart is beating a million miles a minute... Hopefully, I can be bold and convey the love and spirit I have experienced these past three years following the ministry I hope to intern with! *cross your fingers*
Since 2008 I have had an iron in my heart burning for Africa.
Tonight, I am attending the Session meeting at my Church to present my plan and hopefully get permission to hold a information session and fundraiser for the members of my Church that would like to support my journey. But I'm not inherently bold when it comes to my faith and my tiny heart is beating a million miles a minute... Hopefully, I can be bold and convey the love and spirit I have experienced these past three years following the ministry I hope to intern with! *cross your fingers*
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Bad Blood
If you've been keeping track, I have a few topics to finish posting on...
As my next race nears, I am beginning to feel beat up. The littlest, most inconsequential things can lead to nagging discomfort. (Case in point: I currently have this calf thing, but I have no memory of doing anything to strain or tweak my calf... Annoying.)
Thankfully the human anatomy was meticulously designed and wonderfully made.
PDA: public display(s) of affection. Of course the general connotation insinuates romantic affection. It get such a bad rap. A rap that I tend to agree with, to be honest. As much as I am happy that you're happy, I don't need to spend my afternoon seeing just how happy you are... Enter stereotypical comment: "Get a room!" But has the negative view of public displays of affection in romantic relationships devalued displays of affection in non-romantic relationships? When's the last time you hugged your best friend? When's the last time you had any physical contact with a loved one other than your significant other? I realize it is a slippery slope. That perhaps there is a fear that if non-romantic displays of affection are considered appropriate, "aren't we just telling our kids that it's okay to show affection to their boy/girl-friend?" [To this argument, I would point out that I'm not going to make out with my best friend so I would hope my child wouldn't assume it's okay to make out with their boy/girl-friend.] I suppose it goes back to parenting preferences, but the topic of showing romantic/non-romantic affection is something to ponder...
Without affection our spirit begins to wither. I know mine certainly does.
When I'm feeling especially beaten up after a long run I take a nice cold bath. An ice bath. Nice is a relative word in this context... Body heat increases with activity and then you induce vasoconstriction by taking an ice bath after said activity you induce minor hypothermia in a controlled setting. The vessels constrict. They shrink. They want to preserve the body and so they shrink so they can pump the blood away from the extremities, to the abdomen and back to the heart. In an emergency situation, this would prolong life, giving your body more time to wait for the "arrival" of different surroundings or rescue. In training, it simply removes as much blood as possible, within reason, from the area. When you warm up again the area is immediately flushed with fresh, oxygenated blood. The advantage of this is to a) minimize injury b) improve healing time and c) reduce lactic acid buildup.
I don't always like running. I don't want to wake up early to run. I don't want to leave the comforts of my house to go outside to subject myself to hard work (on a good day) or torture (on a not-so-good day.) I run because it's good for my body. Physically I feel stronger. I can perceive changes in my body. Psychologically I feel clearer, emotionally invigorated and relaxed at the same time. It helps me keep things in perspective. Vasoconstriction is not comfortable, but I know it helps my body in the long run. Old blood out, fresh blood in.
I woke up earlier than I usually do on a Sunday. I am trying to accept certain truths in my life, whether I like them or not. My first step is to just not think about them. I rearranged my collage boards. I switched out pictures in frames, and put a fun scrapbook paper print in one frame that I couldn't find another picture for. Just to make things feel fresh and new. I don't know exactly what inspired it, but I was thinking about memories today. How many of our "good memories" are merely memories that we associate with positive emotions - but are not actually positive, or even notable, events in our lives? That's tough. This fall I hope to distinguish between postive memories and memories that just happen to have a positive mood association. Old blood out, fresh blood in. As a Christian, I'd like to learn to appreciate the events that God would also appreciate. The small acts of kindness and the struggle of forgiveness. Old blood out, fresh blood in. And I'd like to make choices that will make this easier. Like signing off now and relaxing - and going to sleep early. Old blood out, fresh blood in.
"In Him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace."-Ephesians 1:7 [NIV]
As my next race nears, I am beginning to feel beat up. The littlest, most inconsequential things can lead to nagging discomfort. (Case in point: I currently have this calf thing, but I have no memory of doing anything to strain or tweak my calf... Annoying.)
Thankfully the human anatomy was meticulously designed and wonderfully made.
PDA: public display(s) of affection. Of course the general connotation insinuates romantic affection. It get such a bad rap. A rap that I tend to agree with, to be honest. As much as I am happy that you're happy, I don't need to spend my afternoon seeing just how happy you are... Enter stereotypical comment: "Get a room!" But has the negative view of public displays of affection in romantic relationships devalued displays of affection in non-romantic relationships? When's the last time you hugged your best friend? When's the last time you had any physical contact with a loved one other than your significant other? I realize it is a slippery slope. That perhaps there is a fear that if non-romantic displays of affection are considered appropriate, "aren't we just telling our kids that it's okay to show affection to their boy/girl-friend?" [To this argument, I would point out that I'm not going to make out with my best friend so I would hope my child wouldn't assume it's okay to make out with their boy/girl-friend.] I suppose it goes back to parenting preferences, but the topic of showing romantic/non-romantic affection is something to ponder...
Without affection our spirit begins to wither. I know mine certainly does.
When I'm feeling especially beaten up after a long run I take a nice cold bath. An ice bath. Nice is a relative word in this context... Body heat increases with activity and then you induce vasoconstriction by taking an ice bath after said activity you induce minor hypothermia in a controlled setting. The vessels constrict. They shrink. They want to preserve the body and so they shrink so they can pump the blood away from the extremities, to the abdomen and back to the heart. In an emergency situation, this would prolong life, giving your body more time to wait for the "arrival" of different surroundings or rescue. In training, it simply removes as much blood as possible, within reason, from the area. When you warm up again the area is immediately flushed with fresh, oxygenated blood. The advantage of this is to a) minimize injury b) improve healing time and c) reduce lactic acid buildup.
I don't always like running. I don't want to wake up early to run. I don't want to leave the comforts of my house to go outside to subject myself to hard work (on a good day) or torture (on a not-so-good day.) I run because it's good for my body. Physically I feel stronger. I can perceive changes in my body. Psychologically I feel clearer, emotionally invigorated and relaxed at the same time. It helps me keep things in perspective. Vasoconstriction is not comfortable, but I know it helps my body in the long run. Old blood out, fresh blood in.
I woke up earlier than I usually do on a Sunday. I am trying to accept certain truths in my life, whether I like them or not. My first step is to just not think about them. I rearranged my collage boards. I switched out pictures in frames, and put a fun scrapbook paper print in one frame that I couldn't find another picture for. Just to make things feel fresh and new. I don't know exactly what inspired it, but I was thinking about memories today. How many of our "good memories" are merely memories that we associate with positive emotions - but are not actually positive, or even notable, events in our lives? That's tough. This fall I hope to distinguish between postive memories and memories that just happen to have a positive mood association. Old blood out, fresh blood in. As a Christian, I'd like to learn to appreciate the events that God would also appreciate. The small acts of kindness and the struggle of forgiveness. Old blood out, fresh blood in. And I'd like to make choices that will make this easier. Like signing off now and relaxing - and going to sleep early. Old blood out, fresh blood in.
"In Him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace."-Ephesians 1:7 [NIV]
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Growth Spurt
Today was an unexpectedly hectic day. I couldn't actually tell you the last time I had a day off. Considering this, my coworker only scheduled me for a half day. Good in thought; bad in practice. I didn't actually leave until 3.5 hours after I was supposed to have left. (Upside: God loves me and I somehow evaded a parking ticket. Work was so busy I didn't think about feeding my meter, nor would I have had time.)
So after a full day of work, I made it home. I'm thankful I made it to my house in one piece because I didn't eat breakfast before going to work. I didn't take breaks to eat. I'm not even sure I took breaks to go to the bathroom... But as I walked to my car, I was beginning to feel slightly light-headed. Pulling into the driveway without any automobile mishaps was definitely a plus. I spent some time unwinding with my parents. (If you can call it that.) We ate dinner and then I went to a Christian Education Committee meeting at Church.
With my Pastor's impending departure (this is his last Sunday), things are getting tense. Decisions are being made quickly, possibly too quickly. There is the fear that decisions have been made without discernment and they might cause future hardships. Of course moot point: anything could cause future hardships.
At this meeting I had a breakthrough. A Christ moment. I know I've been doing this a lot lately... but this deserves an entirely separate post. I'm just amazed at how, when I am focused on living for Christ and according to His word, everything that I'm wrestling with seems to be revealed to me!
So after a full day of work, I made it home. I'm thankful I made it to my house in one piece because I didn't eat breakfast before going to work. I didn't take breaks to eat. I'm not even sure I took breaks to go to the bathroom... But as I walked to my car, I was beginning to feel slightly light-headed. Pulling into the driveway without any automobile mishaps was definitely a plus. I spent some time unwinding with my parents. (If you can call it that.) We ate dinner and then I went to a Christian Education Committee meeting at Church.
With my Pastor's impending departure (this is his last Sunday), things are getting tense. Decisions are being made quickly, possibly too quickly. There is the fear that decisions have been made without discernment and they might cause future hardships. Of course moot point: anything could cause future hardships.
At this meeting I had a breakthrough. A Christ moment. I know I've been doing this a lot lately... but this deserves an entirely separate post. I'm just amazed at how, when I am focused on living for Christ and according to His word, everything that I'm wrestling with seems to be revealed to me!
Monday, October 3, 2011
Upside Downside
October!!!
Upside: It's October!!! The kickoff of fall and the holiday season, pumpkins galore, cozy fall days, and Halloween. I'm a sucker for all holidays!
Downside: It's October... The 1st was a rainy day (which I spent outside for work at the local homecoming parade.) The 2nd was a rainy day. And the 3rd is looking equally rainy. I actually love rainy days. I love them even more when I get to stay in bed, or snuggle on the couch, wrapped up in a cozy blanket with a hot mug of tea, a good book or a great movie. Unfortunately, this sudden change in weather has led to a drop in barometric pressure and an increase in sinus pain. If you've never experienced this phenomena consider yourself one lucky duck! Me? With my father's superior genes... I'll be picking up some decongestant at work today.
My Best Friend's Boyfriend!!!
Upside: He's a really nice guy and I'm glad their happy together.
Downside: I'd rather that they were happy far, far away from me. When it comes to relationships, my best friend and I are both very monogamous and devoted to our boyfriends. She just takes it to another level. This weekend she told me she couldn't talk to me on the phone, because she had to hurry up and get to boyfriend's house because, after all, "he was waiting for her." Um. You've seen him every weekend since July minus one. And you've seen me significantly less than that. Best friends of 13 years remember? But wait folks... it gets better. He is always there. When we discuss plans she always includes him. (It's still fairly new, this is just a phase. Right?...) And they love PDA more than any couple I've ever met... We were all at boyfriend's house this weekend watching TV. It was cute, he made us hot chocolate. He offered to let me pick the TV show (though I declined instead of attempting to figure out how to work his remote.) They started off simply holding hands. The next thing, I look over and boyfriend has his arm wrapped around her. (I can't find a picture to portray what I mean, but I do not mean he simply had it wrapped around her shoulder.) Sure, that's cool. Don't mind me. I'll just slowly try to sink into the opposite end of the couch.
Yes, I have tried to think through my feelings? Am I just jealous? Nope, not it. Do I envy her happiness? Nope, I'm happy she's happy. Have I ever displayed an excessive amount of PDA that deserves pay-back? Possible I suppose, but doubtful. And I'm pretty sure my last possibility of PDA was long enough ago that she would have forgotten. Do I get annoyed by PDA easily? Evidently... I can generally tolerate holding hands, even strolling arm and arm. Just don't make me contemplate using the jaws of life to pry you apart when we are sitting on the couch together. Is that really too much to ask?
I was trying to think if I knew any other couples that love PDA. Perhaps I just have an especially conservative circle of friends, but quite frankly the only other "PDA happy" couples I know got married - and then divorced. At Bible Study last night, I was thinking about the married couple who hosts and opens their home to us. It made me think about "PDA": what it is concerned in our culture, what we stereotypically think of when we hear the term, what smaller gestures should really be considered PDA. [another segue for a future post!]
Half-Marathon!!!
Upside: Only five more weeks! I can only keep on doing what I've been doing and hope for the best!
Downside: Only five more weeks! No miracles at this point...
What are the upsides and downsides in your life? How do you stay focused on the upsides?
Upside: It's October!!! The kickoff of fall and the holiday season, pumpkins galore, cozy fall days, and Halloween. I'm a sucker for all holidays!
Downside: It's October... The 1st was a rainy day (which I spent outside for work at the local homecoming parade.) The 2nd was a rainy day. And the 3rd is looking equally rainy. I actually love rainy days. I love them even more when I get to stay in bed, or snuggle on the couch, wrapped up in a cozy blanket with a hot mug of tea, a good book or a great movie. Unfortunately, this sudden change in weather has led to a drop in barometric pressure and an increase in sinus pain. If you've never experienced this phenomena consider yourself one lucky duck! Me? With my father's superior genes... I'll be picking up some decongestant at work today.
My Best Friend's Boyfriend!!!
Upside: He's a really nice guy and I'm glad their happy together.
Downside: I'd rather that they were happy far, far away from me. When it comes to relationships, my best friend and I are both very monogamous and devoted to our boyfriends. She just takes it to another level. This weekend she told me she couldn't talk to me on the phone, because she had to hurry up and get to boyfriend's house because, after all, "he was waiting for her." Um. You've seen him every weekend since July minus one. And you've seen me significantly less than that. Best friends of 13 years remember? But wait folks... it gets better. He is always there. When we discuss plans she always includes him. (It's still fairly new, this is just a phase. Right?...) And they love PDA more than any couple I've ever met... We were all at boyfriend's house this weekend watching TV. It was cute, he made us hot chocolate. He offered to let me pick the TV show (though I declined instead of attempting to figure out how to work his remote.) They started off simply holding hands. The next thing, I look over and boyfriend has his arm wrapped around her. (I can't find a picture to portray what I mean, but I do not mean he simply had it wrapped around her shoulder.) Sure, that's cool. Don't mind me. I'll just slowly try to sink into the opposite end of the couch.
Yes, I have tried to think through my feelings? Am I just jealous? Nope, not it. Do I envy her happiness? Nope, I'm happy she's happy. Have I ever displayed an excessive amount of PDA that deserves pay-back? Possible I suppose, but doubtful. And I'm pretty sure my last possibility of PDA was long enough ago that she would have forgotten. Do I get annoyed by PDA easily? Evidently... I can generally tolerate holding hands, even strolling arm and arm. Just don't make me contemplate using the jaws of life to pry you apart when we are sitting on the couch together. Is that really too much to ask?
I was trying to think if I knew any other couples that love PDA. Perhaps I just have an especially conservative circle of friends, but quite frankly the only other "PDA happy" couples I know got married - and then divorced. At Bible Study last night, I was thinking about the married couple who hosts and opens their home to us. It made me think about "PDA": what it is concerned in our culture, what we stereotypically think of when we hear the term, what smaller gestures should really be considered PDA. [another segue for a future post!]
Half-Marathon!!!
Upside: Only five more weeks! I can only keep on doing what I've been doing and hope for the best!
Downside: Only five more weeks! No miracles at this point...
What are the upsides and downsides in your life? How do you stay focused on the upsides?
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