A friend posted this quote on their facebook today. Given the haphazard turns my life has taken during my trip here, I thought it was appropriate:
"I would rather a crazy life filled with 'oh wells' than a sane one filled with 'what ifs'"
of course, since I'm the ignoramus making all these decisions, I certainly hope I would feel this way after the fact: that everything will be worthwhile in the end.
Sunday, March 24, 2013
Saturday, March 23, 2013
Life in Kitwe
okay so my update didn't come quite so soon...
Kitwe is amazing! I live in a guest house in a room by myself, but there are four other tenants who live there. The communities, care workers and children are absolutely amazing. I do have a functioning television. I do not have internet access, hence the lack of updates.
For the weekend I am back at Kachele with two of the guys from my intake. We went out in Luanshya today to do some shopping and go out for lunch. It was really fun. Aside from that we played with Tawonga most of the day. It was really good. I'm feeling slightly disjointed; it's odd knowing this will be the last weekend I'm here at the farm in Zambia. I have been in Africa so long. Well, it feels like I've been here so long, but in reality I've been here just six weeks. I'm not exactly sure how I will actually feel when I am on American soil again. It will be a major adjustment, leaving Africa and everyone I have met here, everything I have done here. It's definitely causing some conflicting emotions, but I know it will be alright. As Alicia, my roommate in South Africa, would say: "it will all shake out" and another one: "life's a kick in the pants" but really, I'm trying to focus on the "it will all shake out" sentiment.
I am trying to remind myself to enjoy the season God has brought me to, for however long it lasts. I am trying to accept the fact that I make all the wrong decisions in my life. Thankfully, God still used them to bring me to a better place. I have to accept the fact that I make all the wrong decisions and very nearly made a mockery of my own life, and that I don't know best. I don't know what is best, I don't make the best decisions and at this point I basically have to throw up my hands and wait for God to lead me. And I am not patient. I don't like being patient and I'm not good at it. Lynn says that is important. That we embrace the uncomfortable moments. That we allow them to be periods where God molds us for what is next. I will let it happen, but I won't enjoy it. Not intrinsically. I guess I'm a control freak. I would also hazard to guess that is part of the problem. I am so impatient. I am definitely a victim of the instant gratification society. I also realize the six of the last seven sentences, including this one, is all about me. That is also the problem. It's not about me. It shouldn't be about me. I am temporal and insignificant and my life is meaningless without the existence of something bigger. Something bigger as in God. And that is the point, but it is still a hard pill to swallow. Despite how much we say we love Jesus, and how we strive to be Christ-like, we are still such self-serving creatures.
I hope to return to Africa for a longer stay. I'm not sure what that looks like. I'm not sure what that would look like in my mind compared to what God might have planned. I realize if I come back to Africa it will have to be on God's terms and not on my preconceived terms. Even when we realize that God is going to use us, and are in favor of that and willing to pursue that, it is still a challenge to completely set aside the mindset of self. To completely sacrifice our selfish ideas and motives. I don't know if I can successfully do that, but I know it is something I must strive for. The test will be when I land, walk off the plane, after being taken out of my African support system and left to my own devices. It will be an adventure. Probably a disaster... but an adventure none the less...
Kitwe is amazing! I live in a guest house in a room by myself, but there are four other tenants who live there. The communities, care workers and children are absolutely amazing. I do have a functioning television. I do not have internet access, hence the lack of updates.
For the weekend I am back at Kachele with two of the guys from my intake. We went out in Luanshya today to do some shopping and go out for lunch. It was really fun. Aside from that we played with Tawonga most of the day. It was really good. I'm feeling slightly disjointed; it's odd knowing this will be the last weekend I'm here at the farm in Zambia. I have been in Africa so long. Well, it feels like I've been here so long, but in reality I've been here just six weeks. I'm not exactly sure how I will actually feel when I am on American soil again. It will be a major adjustment, leaving Africa and everyone I have met here, everything I have done here. It's definitely causing some conflicting emotions, but I know it will be alright. As Alicia, my roommate in South Africa, would say: "it will all shake out" and another one: "life's a kick in the pants" but really, I'm trying to focus on the "it will all shake out" sentiment.
I am trying to remind myself to enjoy the season God has brought me to, for however long it lasts. I am trying to accept the fact that I make all the wrong decisions in my life. Thankfully, God still used them to bring me to a better place. I have to accept the fact that I make all the wrong decisions and very nearly made a mockery of my own life, and that I don't know best. I don't know what is best, I don't make the best decisions and at this point I basically have to throw up my hands and wait for God to lead me. And I am not patient. I don't like being patient and I'm not good at it. Lynn says that is important. That we embrace the uncomfortable moments. That we allow them to be periods where God molds us for what is next. I will let it happen, but I won't enjoy it. Not intrinsically. I guess I'm a control freak. I would also hazard to guess that is part of the problem. I am so impatient. I am definitely a victim of the instant gratification society. I also realize the six of the last seven sentences, including this one, is all about me. That is also the problem. It's not about me. It shouldn't be about me. I am temporal and insignificant and my life is meaningless without the existence of something bigger. Something bigger as in God. And that is the point, but it is still a hard pill to swallow. Despite how much we say we love Jesus, and how we strive to be Christ-like, we are still such self-serving creatures.
I hope to return to Africa for a longer stay. I'm not sure what that looks like. I'm not sure what that would look like in my mind compared to what God might have planned. I realize if I come back to Africa it will have to be on God's terms and not on my preconceived terms. Even when we realize that God is going to use us, and are in favor of that and willing to pursue that, it is still a challenge to completely set aside the mindset of self. To completely sacrifice our selfish ideas and motives. I don't know if I can successfully do that, but I know it is something I must strive for. The test will be when I land, walk off the plane, after being taken out of my African support system and left to my own devices. It will be an adventure. Probably a disaster... but an adventure none the less...
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
Zambia
I am officially in Luanshya, Zambia at the Kachele farm and I will be here until Friday. Then I will head to Kitwe, and remain there for the next three weeks. I am super excited, but for now, that is all you get. I will update again, in more detail, soon, I promise!
Monday, March 11, 2013
moving!
oh hey blogworld!
just a quick note to let you all know that I'M GOING TO KITWE, ZAMBIA!!!
I will be booking my flights later today. I am either leaving tomorrow or Thursday, depending on how things shake out, and I will be staying there for just under a month. I'll be living (most likely) by myself, but in close proximity to a couple that is already there. To put it mildly, I am super stoked!
so that is all for now. I'll provide additional details once I know them, but it's going to be a blast!!!
just a quick note to let you all know that I'M GOING TO KITWE, ZAMBIA!!!
I will be booking my flights later today. I am either leaving tomorrow or Thursday, depending on how things shake out, and I will be staying there for just under a month. I'll be living (most likely) by myself, but in close proximity to a couple that is already there. To put it mildly, I am super stoked!
so that is all for now. I'll provide additional details once I know them, but it's going to be a blast!!!
Friday, March 8, 2013
Sweet Housemates
While I've been in South Africa, I've been living with Alicia from Canada. I must admit she's a pretty stellar individual and I'm stoked she is my roommate. We're definitely roommates for a reason, because she just seems to get me in a way that is honest yet non-judgmental. We spent yesterday morning discussing my plight as to whether or not I'm a complete headcase. Surprisingly, she agreed that my thought process was legitimate, and echoed the sentiments that I used to validate my intrinsic perception of myself as a headcase.
This process has felt really organic. I feel like I am a truer version of myself here. Of course, I feel like I notice undesirable characteristics in myself on a daily basis, which is a bit of a downer. I also feel like a complete basket case on a frequent basis. On the upside, Alicia and I started taking walks with Russell. We walked to the Farm today, which takes about an hour if you are walking at a decent pace. I got so sun burnt, but it really helped me decompress a bit so it was well worth it. After our afternoon session with Alicia (a different Alicia) and Tyler, we came back to the Village and Russell and I took a walk 'up stairs' and ended up coming back down to the trampoline in the field. We talked for two hours, poor guy... I unloaded on him, but he was so patient and handled it like a champ. I think it's magnified by living in community, which is good and bad. I love living in such a close community with everyone here, but if you ever have an 'off' day, it just makes it seem that much worse. I'm blessed to have people that are so gracious and willing to listen to my vent.
Then it was dinner with Tommy and Morgan, and movie night! We watched 'Jurassic Park'
Tomorrow we have an early morning with Bentley, and the Hands at Work Amazing Race in the afternoon. It should be a good weekend!
This process has felt really organic. I feel like I am a truer version of myself here. Of course, I feel like I notice undesirable characteristics in myself on a daily basis, which is a bit of a downer. I also feel like a complete basket case on a frequent basis. On the upside, Alicia and I started taking walks with Russell. We walked to the Farm today, which takes about an hour if you are walking at a decent pace. I got so sun burnt, but it really helped me decompress a bit so it was well worth it. After our afternoon session with Alicia (a different Alicia) and Tyler, we came back to the Village and Russell and I took a walk 'up stairs' and ended up coming back down to the trampoline in the field. We talked for two hours, poor guy... I unloaded on him, but he was so patient and handled it like a champ. I think it's magnified by living in community, which is good and bad. I love living in such a close community with everyone here, but if you ever have an 'off' day, it just makes it seem that much worse. I'm blessed to have people that are so gracious and willing to listen to my vent.
Then it was dinner with Tommy and Morgan, and movie night! We watched 'Jurassic Park'
Tomorrow we have an early morning with Bentley, and the Hands at Work Amazing Race in the afternoon. It should be a good weekend!
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
Broken Record
It's been another intense day in Africa. I'm not sure exactly how to convey my thoughts most effectively, but I'll give it a go anyway...
The last month has definitely been trial by fire, and I am feeling the heat. I can't begin to express how awesome my experience has been thus far, but it's also been kind of rough. I mentioned in my last post about how I hate filtering myself. That is very true, but ironically, I also hate incessantly harping on the same topic, especially if it is ultimately inconsequential. This brings me to the demise of my relationship. Quite frankly there are things about the situation that thoroughly piss me off - and that is putting it nicely. But I don't want to keep talking about it. I don't want to be that girl. It's done and it's over. If anything, I just have this remaining excess emotional energy that I need to vent off. Like aftershocks following a massive earthquake. But I don't want to seem like I'm obsessing over the relationship, because truthfully I'm not. I guess I'm just full of hot air, so to speak, for better or worse. This is compounded by being questioned by people, some of whom present questions more gracefully than others.
I am lucky that my housemates, for lack of a better word, have been so gracious. Amazingly so. I went on a walk outside the compound with Alicia and Russell today. It was really nice to just do something out of the ordinary. It was actually the first time I've been outside on foot. Anyway, Alicia has been really amazing throughout the whole ordeal. She's always asking if I'm okay, how I'm processing the situation. Today was more of the same. She asked how I've been handling it, if I feel like I've been able to handle it while dealing with everything else we see here in community. Ironically, she says that she feels like I don't talk about it that much. That was mildly flabbergasting because I feel like I've talked about it far too much. Like I'm a broken record that keeps skipping back to the same line. I feel like I have so much pent up energy, and the emotions are all confined to my head, so perhaps I just perceive the topic as being much more pervasive than it actually is. I think that makes sense and would be a rational explanation.
I think the other thing I've been dealing with is the fact that living in community highlights areas where my character is struggling. Again, I don't know if these issues are perceived by my housemates, but I notice. I will respond to a certain situation a certain way, only to realize after the fact that I'm a terrible person. Saying I'm a terrible person might be slightly melodramatic, but there are examples where I just see flaws in my character. It's really frustrating, but it's also exciting. For the most part, I'm guessing my housemates don't notice in the first place or, even if they do, don't dwell on the incident. Just little things mostly. It's encouraging because I am a Christian, and I truly felt convicted that I was not meant to continue the relationship with my boyfriend. I felt convicted that that was something I needed to release to God, and trust in His plan for me - even though I have no idea where that will lead me next. The relationship had become an idol in my heart, so now that I have relinquished that to God, I am noticing these situations that highlight my character flaws. I always initially take it as a punch to the gut, like 'oh, I can't believe I responded that way. I feel like a terrible person", etc, but once I think through it, I always feel convicted that it is merely a lesson I am meant to learn. I have been removed from all of my normal, familiar parameters so it is the perfect time for God to mold me into whatever He wants me to be. Or at least a great circumstance to jump start the process. I truly believe that is what God is doing in my life. It's encouraging, yet it's exhausting. I feel like it's something new everyday. Trial by fire. As draining as it can be, I'm also really excited to see what God has in store for me next. I've let go of so many things since being here, at some point I will see the fruit of my labor.
At this point, I am really tired and I just hope this makes sense to some degree. Rooms is watching 'The Princess and The Frog' again so that is my cue to pass out. Good night world wide web!
The last month has definitely been trial by fire, and I am feeling the heat. I can't begin to express how awesome my experience has been thus far, but it's also been kind of rough. I mentioned in my last post about how I hate filtering myself. That is very true, but ironically, I also hate incessantly harping on the same topic, especially if it is ultimately inconsequential. This brings me to the demise of my relationship. Quite frankly there are things about the situation that thoroughly piss me off - and that is putting it nicely. But I don't want to keep talking about it. I don't want to be that girl. It's done and it's over. If anything, I just have this remaining excess emotional energy that I need to vent off. Like aftershocks following a massive earthquake. But I don't want to seem like I'm obsessing over the relationship, because truthfully I'm not. I guess I'm just full of hot air, so to speak, for better or worse. This is compounded by being questioned by people, some of whom present questions more gracefully than others.
I am lucky that my housemates, for lack of a better word, have been so gracious. Amazingly so. I went on a walk outside the compound with Alicia and Russell today. It was really nice to just do something out of the ordinary. It was actually the first time I've been outside on foot. Anyway, Alicia has been really amazing throughout the whole ordeal. She's always asking if I'm okay, how I'm processing the situation. Today was more of the same. She asked how I've been handling it, if I feel like I've been able to handle it while dealing with everything else we see here in community. Ironically, she says that she feels like I don't talk about it that much. That was mildly flabbergasting because I feel like I've talked about it far too much. Like I'm a broken record that keeps skipping back to the same line. I feel like I have so much pent up energy, and the emotions are all confined to my head, so perhaps I just perceive the topic as being much more pervasive than it actually is. I think that makes sense and would be a rational explanation.
I think the other thing I've been dealing with is the fact that living in community highlights areas where my character is struggling. Again, I don't know if these issues are perceived by my housemates, but I notice. I will respond to a certain situation a certain way, only to realize after the fact that I'm a terrible person. Saying I'm a terrible person might be slightly melodramatic, but there are examples where I just see flaws in my character. It's really frustrating, but it's also exciting. For the most part, I'm guessing my housemates don't notice in the first place or, even if they do, don't dwell on the incident. Just little things mostly. It's encouraging because I am a Christian, and I truly felt convicted that I was not meant to continue the relationship with my boyfriend. I felt convicted that that was something I needed to release to God, and trust in His plan for me - even though I have no idea where that will lead me next. The relationship had become an idol in my heart, so now that I have relinquished that to God, I am noticing these situations that highlight my character flaws. I always initially take it as a punch to the gut, like 'oh, I can't believe I responded that way. I feel like a terrible person", etc, but once I think through it, I always feel convicted that it is merely a lesson I am meant to learn. I have been removed from all of my normal, familiar parameters so it is the perfect time for God to mold me into whatever He wants me to be. Or at least a great circumstance to jump start the process. I truly believe that is what God is doing in my life. It's encouraging, yet it's exhausting. I feel like it's something new everyday. Trial by fire. As draining as it can be, I'm also really excited to see what God has in store for me next. I've let go of so many things since being here, at some point I will see the fruit of my labor.
At this point, I am really tired and I just hope this makes sense to some degree. Rooms is watching 'The Princess and The Frog' again so that is my cue to pass out. Good night world wide web!
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
The ABC's of Me: The Africa Edition
I have been in South Africa just under a month. The last for days we were all participating in stays in a local African community. While I've been in the community, aka away from technology and the internet, I had some time to reflect and here is what I came up with. The ABC's of Me: The Africa Edition [Looking back, I'm not sure how it is the ABC's since everything is numbered...but moot point I suppose]
First, let's all take a moment to rock out to some Kanye. I must confess I'm not typically a huge Kanye fan, but it's been stuck in my head the last 24 hours. And quite frankly, after the month I've had, it seems appropriate. [Yes, even after staying up past midnight, I still woke up before 5am. And the first song I listened to was Kanye. If I had twitter, the would be a #AfricaProblems momemt, ha!] If you are feeling so inclined, feel free to enjoy some Jason (what a classic!), some Miley (because this was recommended on my sidebar after watching Jason... Youtube, I question your methods, but still approve.) It's so bad, it's good. Leyton says it's okay, because after all, I'm from the USA. Win.
Anyway... Let's start with the lighter revelations, shall we?
1. It is really bright here, and one way or another, I need significantly less sleep here. If I was home right now, I'd practically be hibernating. I'd honestly need at least 8 hours; here, I can get by on 3 or 4 hours, piece of cake.
2. Thanks to my dad and his awesome genetics, I also eat less here. My tiny Pennsylvanian stomach just can't adjust to this African heat! I also burn like it's my job, but anyone who knows me will also know that is a given.
3. I'm okay with long periods of silence. Maybe more so than the average person. It's interesting because I can sit in a car for two hours and not talk and be completely content, but lately, I can also break out into spontaneous song and/or fits of laughter.
And now it's time for some Taylor, because it would be mildly un-American to leave her off the list entirely.
4. Despite my spontaneous singing and/or fits of laughter, I'm not really that outgoing. Or maybe I am outgoing in a quiet way. [side note: I've been told I don't fit the American stereotype, but I feel like there are a lot, and I didn't ask for specifics, but I'm going to take that as a compliment.] At any rate, I guess I'm just not as talkative as other people here. When I first reflected on this, my immediate response was to chastise myself, there is something in my brain that assumes, that other people assume, that if I'm not talkative I come off as cold. If that makes any sense at all. But then I realized I'm 27 and should just embrace it and move on with my life. [Insert Carly here. She's not American, but she is on the continent, so it will do.]
And now it's time for some Katy. But seriously, how did I get from Kanye West to Katy Perry?
5. I've got mettle. I can throw caution into the wind and just deal with it. I'm hard to rattle. Which I have noticed before, but everyone wants to think they can handle trial by fire, right? But coming here has confirmed that I am braver than I thought. I can handle the big things and be steadfast in unexpected or uncomfortable situations...
6. ...this bravery might be a ruse when you consider the fact that I am also impulsive. Perhaps more so than I originally thought. Potentially to the point of being naive but as I'm not dead yet, and haven't even caused that much damage, let's be honest: I'm just going to roll with it.
One more from Katy.
7. I can deal with the big things, yet somehow I am more annoyed by the little things.
8. I was definitely naive about how this trip would impact my life. Obviously I knew it would, and I was told essentially on a daily basis prior to my flight that it would. I just underestimated the changes it would bring. Maybe I underestimate how whole-heartedly I would welcome those changes...
9. ...I don't think I realized how unhappy I was at home. I put value and energy into areas in my life it should have never been in the first place. It's been a harsh learning curve, but definitely worth it.
10. I am a hot mess. I really don't have it together at all. I haven't really figured out anything either. Except that I wasted my time, along with the time of other people, and energy. I'm pretty much a walking disaster area. [Cue Alkaline Trio because mercy is something I need a lot of!] I suppose a construction area would be more appropriate, and slightly less self-deprecating. But folks, it honestly hasn't been all that pretty. It involved lots of shenanigans, hard questions and conversations, tears, and for a period of 48 hours, I really felt like I was barely keeping my head above water. But it has been awesome, and honestly it might be the best thing I've ever gone through in my life! So I guess I'm a hot mess, but I enjoy it?
11. I really, really hate filtering myself. I have to admit that I pride myself on being an open book. I think it's an awesome quality to have, but I have to keep telling myself it isn't everything. I think the periods in my life that I have been happiest, were also the periods that I was most impulsive. No holds barred, no shame, no filter periods. Delightful as that may be, I have to remind myself to be merciful to those around me. I could easily bare my heart and soul, but that would be caustic to certain people in my life. So I just have to sit here and shut up. I will filter. I won't enjoy it, but I will do it. [After all, not everyone can have my self esteem. The Offspring said it all though didn't they? 'The more you suffer, the more it shows you really care right? yeah!" Okay, that was true, but maybe harsh. Filter back on.]
12. I've learned some hard lessons. Hindsight is 20/20. Looking back, I had a few relationships where I was head-over-heels. I always got burned, so in the future, I tried to avoid certain things. It turns out those things were part of the reason I was so happy in the first place. I fully realize this won't make any sense at first glance to anyone who knows my relationship history, but it's been a good revelation in the best way.
Now for some Blink. And more. And some more.
13. bonus: I've picked up a Canadian-accent and I'm still alive! At least until I go back to Pennsylvania...
And lastly, here's a little love by the Plain White T's to start off your Tuesday. You're welcome.
Thanks coming on this little journey of retrospection with me, but it's time for me to go see what other shenanigans I can get myself into here in the lovely country of South Africa!
First, let's all take a moment to rock out to some Kanye. I must confess I'm not typically a huge Kanye fan, but it's been stuck in my head the last 24 hours. And quite frankly, after the month I've had, it seems appropriate. [Yes, even after staying up past midnight, I still woke up before 5am. And the first song I listened to was Kanye. If I had twitter, the would be a #AfricaProblems momemt, ha!] If you are feeling so inclined, feel free to enjoy some Jason (what a classic!), some Miley (because this was recommended on my sidebar after watching Jason... Youtube, I question your methods, but still approve.) It's so bad, it's good. Leyton says it's okay, because after all, I'm from the USA. Win.
Anyway... Let's start with the lighter revelations, shall we?
1. It is really bright here, and one way or another, I need significantly less sleep here. If I was home right now, I'd practically be hibernating. I'd honestly need at least 8 hours; here, I can get by on 3 or 4 hours, piece of cake.
2. Thanks to my dad and his awesome genetics, I also eat less here. My tiny Pennsylvanian stomach just can't adjust to this African heat! I also burn like it's my job, but anyone who knows me will also know that is a given.
3. I'm okay with long periods of silence. Maybe more so than the average person. It's interesting because I can sit in a car for two hours and not talk and be completely content, but lately, I can also break out into spontaneous song and/or fits of laughter.
And now it's time for some Taylor, because it would be mildly un-American to leave her off the list entirely.
4. Despite my spontaneous singing and/or fits of laughter, I'm not really that outgoing. Or maybe I am outgoing in a quiet way. [side note: I've been told I don't fit the American stereotype, but I feel like there are a lot, and I didn't ask for specifics, but I'm going to take that as a compliment.] At any rate, I guess I'm just not as talkative as other people here. When I first reflected on this, my immediate response was to chastise myself, there is something in my brain that assumes, that other people assume, that if I'm not talkative I come off as cold. If that makes any sense at all. But then I realized I'm 27 and should just embrace it and move on with my life. [Insert Carly here. She's not American, but she is on the continent, so it will do.]
And now it's time for some Katy. But seriously, how did I get from Kanye West to Katy Perry?
5. I've got mettle. I can throw caution into the wind and just deal with it. I'm hard to rattle. Which I have noticed before, but everyone wants to think they can handle trial by fire, right? But coming here has confirmed that I am braver than I thought. I can handle the big things and be steadfast in unexpected or uncomfortable situations...
6. ...this bravery might be a ruse when you consider the fact that I am also impulsive. Perhaps more so than I originally thought. Potentially to the point of being naive but as I'm not dead yet, and haven't even caused that much damage, let's be honest: I'm just going to roll with it.
One more from Katy.
7. I can deal with the big things, yet somehow I am more annoyed by the little things.
8. I was definitely naive about how this trip would impact my life. Obviously I knew it would, and I was told essentially on a daily basis prior to my flight that it would. I just underestimated the changes it would bring. Maybe I underestimate how whole-heartedly I would welcome those changes...
9. ...I don't think I realized how unhappy I was at home. I put value and energy into areas in my life it should have never been in the first place. It's been a harsh learning curve, but definitely worth it.
10. I am a hot mess. I really don't have it together at all. I haven't really figured out anything either. Except that I wasted my time, along with the time of other people, and energy. I'm pretty much a walking disaster area. [Cue Alkaline Trio because mercy is something I need a lot of!] I suppose a construction area would be more appropriate, and slightly less self-deprecating. But folks, it honestly hasn't been all that pretty. It involved lots of shenanigans, hard questions and conversations, tears, and for a period of 48 hours, I really felt like I was barely keeping my head above water. But it has been awesome, and honestly it might be the best thing I've ever gone through in my life! So I guess I'm a hot mess, but I enjoy it?
11. I really, really hate filtering myself. I have to admit that I pride myself on being an open book. I think it's an awesome quality to have, but I have to keep telling myself it isn't everything. I think the periods in my life that I have been happiest, were also the periods that I was most impulsive. No holds barred, no shame, no filter periods. Delightful as that may be, I have to remind myself to be merciful to those around me. I could easily bare my heart and soul, but that would be caustic to certain people in my life. So I just have to sit here and shut up. I will filter. I won't enjoy it, but I will do it. [After all, not everyone can have my self esteem. The Offspring said it all though didn't they? 'The more you suffer, the more it shows you really care right? yeah!" Okay, that was true, but maybe harsh. Filter back on.]
12. I've learned some hard lessons. Hindsight is 20/20. Looking back, I had a few relationships where I was head-over-heels. I always got burned, so in the future, I tried to avoid certain things. It turns out those things were part of the reason I was so happy in the first place. I fully realize this won't make any sense at first glance to anyone who knows my relationship history, but it's been a good revelation in the best way.
Now for some Blink. And more. And some more.
13. bonus: I've picked up a Canadian-accent and I'm still alive! At least until I go back to Pennsylvania...
And lastly, here's a little love by the Plain White T's to start off your Tuesday. You're welcome.
Thanks coming on this little journey of retrospection with me, but it's time for me to go see what other shenanigans I can get myself into here in the lovely country of South Africa!
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