I'm sitting at my dinner table in my nice, quiet apartment looking out second-story my window. Life is definitely not too shabby these days.
Since my last entry, I came home from Zambia (obviously), went back to work, went to San Francisco, went back to work and things have been pretty normal ever since. By normal, I mean busy of course. It's hard to believe that in the next few months I'll be getting ready to go back to South Africa and, wait for it, Swaziland!!! I'm super excited.
Also, it's summer. It's currently hot and super gorgeous. Life is full of possibilities. I'm getting more and more excited for next weekend. I actually have plans. My own plans with my own new friends. I'm super excited. I'll definitely tell more about it soon. It involves a potential new romantic relationship. It feels like it's time. It's been over three years since my last serious boyfriend, though I've dated a bit, I think I'm really ready and this might be the one God had planned for me all along. I guess we'll all have to stay tuned to find out, but it's going to be an eventful summer either way!
Showing posts with label just because. Show all posts
Showing posts with label just because. Show all posts
Sunday, June 26, 2016
Wednesday, January 6, 2016
I love this. Happy Wednesday!
Dog Gets Surprise Birthday PresentThis dog got an awesome surprise birthday present... via SuperViral.TV
Posted by UNILAD on Wednesday, January 6, 2016
Thursday, January 15, 2015
There are certain things that should be left unsaid
Been there, done that, messed around
I'm having fun; don't put me down
I'll never let you sweep me off my feet
I'm having fun; don't put me down
I'll never let you sweep me off my feet
I won't let you in again
The messages I've tried to send
My information's just not going in
The messages I've tried to send
My information's just not going in
Burning bridges shore to shore
I'll break away from something more
I'm not turned off to love until it's cheap
I'll break away from something more
I'm not turned off to love until it's cheap
Been there, done that, messed around
I'm having fun; don't put me down
I'll never let you sweep me off my feet
I'm having fun; don't put me down
I'll never let you sweep me off my feet
Saturday, January 25, 2014
The Great Staycation of 2014
This post was written January 18th, the beginning of the staycation. after spending a week in the snow, and the chicken coop, I'm just now sitting down to publish it:
What a year it has been! 2013 was full of twists and turns. It ended with some serious revelations that led to 2014 starting off with a big bang! December 29th I was home with a case of pink eye, debating my fate. January 5th I was attending a new (to me) church for the first time and on January 12th I was telling my former Pastor that I had found a new home. January 13th I officially resigned from my responsibilities as a church deacon.
Then, to be frank, all hell broke loose. I hadn't discussed the individual details of my decision with my pastor. #1 I didn't think she'd really understand and #2 at that point it didn't matter. God had called me elsewhere, so I was going elsewhere. But unbeknownst to me, my father was telling the board of elders exactly why I was leaving and leaving no holds barred. It was a difficult discussion I am sure. I was grateful that my father would support me, but I had mixed feelings about how he approached the elders. I hadn't wanted to start drama and I did not relish the idea of being at the center of such a conflict. I cried many, many tears. It broke my heart, but ultimately I felt bad for how things came to light. I did not regret that they knew the truth and did not apologize for my beliefs. Today, January 18th, I met with my pastor one more time to clear the air.
Now here I sit, alone in a house. Just me, myself, and I. And three cats. It is a quiet house outside of town. I do not have access to the internet and only recently figured out how to work their television. Finding a new church home has been amazing, but leaving my last church home has been exhausting. These last few weeks have been very difficult, so it's fitting that I was already scheduled to house sit for this family. I'm sitting here with a cup of hot tea, snuggled under blankets and with a cat purring on my lap. No internet, no television, no distraction. God's timing is amazing! I already feel myself becoming more calm, my energy slowly being renewed.
Another example of God's impeccable timing is this: my father confronted the elders about my decision on the evening of January 13th. The watchword for 2014 was released (via facebook) the morning of January 14th (EST.) I was originally scheduled off that day, but as soon as Ashley and I had a chance to talk to each other about the watchword and how perfect it was, I was called in to work for my manager who was feeling ill. That meant that instead of sitting at home alone all day, agonizing over everything that happened the night before, I went in to work and kept busy all day, and mostly kept my mind from wandering to the topic of church! God is so good!
I have thought about the possibility of leaving my home church for years. I knew it would happen one day, and I knew that when it happened I would go out with a bang. I wasn't prepared for the inner struggle that it would cause, nor did I realize just how big of a bang I would cause... Thankfully God has placed amazing people in my life who were able to give me appropriate counsel. Who patiently listened to my heart, even when some of them weren't sure why I was so bothered in the first place. The mistakes of my home church were extensive, but, red flags or not, I ached. Before I made the decision, I read article after article, and listened to sound bytes of the most respected ministers of the day discussing the subject of when, why and how to leave a church. I listened to videos of George, because I thought if I could just hear his voice that something would resonate within me. One of Lynn's talks kept coming to mind, and in my moment of doubt Ashley reminded me of his words again. I was at my lowest low. I knew I was doing the right thing - and I knew that this was the part of my journey where God would have to carry me until I found my feet again.
I have come so far this week. I feel at such peace at this moment in my journey. The last year is hard for me to imagine. I have traveled millions of theoretical miles. I'm not sure I even remember the girl that boarded that plane to Africa - I've changed so much since then. I am so excited to see what God has in store for me this year! I have already found a new church that is awesome. I feel like I am in exactly the right place, and it is as close to being in Africa as I will get until I am back in Africa! the kingdom culture is all there, and the community is awesome. I am loving having a group of people my age to hangout with. Last Sunday we all got together for pizza and a movie, it was so nice! God is doing exciting things with my life, and I am willing! I am so blessed!
Now back to the present...
Here I sit. This time in my own room with my own cat. The past week, in the snow and the coop, has been good, but tiring. We got more snow today, so it was a quiet day at work. I came home, feeling a little out of sorts. My home church already cancelled services for tomorrow because of the snow. As far as I know, my church is still meeting. I hope so. I always feel better and encouraged when I am worshiping with the members there. They really have been so kind and thoughtful, giving me encouragement these past few weeks. I've shed more tears. My heart is pulled in two directions. I know which way I'm going to go, but it still makes me sad. I have to choose to move forward every day, even if it's just one step. One day I'll look back and clearly see God's plan at this point in my life. I will see how far I have come, even when I felt like I was moving at a snails pace. One day it will be revealed for His glory. Until then I take things one day at a time and put one foot in front of the other. I can't see the blueprint, but I know the project is worthy!
What a year it has been! 2013 was full of twists and turns. It ended with some serious revelations that led to 2014 starting off with a big bang! December 29th I was home with a case of pink eye, debating my fate. January 5th I was attending a new (to me) church for the first time and on January 12th I was telling my former Pastor that I had found a new home. January 13th I officially resigned from my responsibilities as a church deacon.
Then, to be frank, all hell broke loose. I hadn't discussed the individual details of my decision with my pastor. #1 I didn't think she'd really understand and #2 at that point it didn't matter. God had called me elsewhere, so I was going elsewhere. But unbeknownst to me, my father was telling the board of elders exactly why I was leaving and leaving no holds barred. It was a difficult discussion I am sure. I was grateful that my father would support me, but I had mixed feelings about how he approached the elders. I hadn't wanted to start drama and I did not relish the idea of being at the center of such a conflict. I cried many, many tears. It broke my heart, but ultimately I felt bad for how things came to light. I did not regret that they knew the truth and did not apologize for my beliefs. Today, January 18th, I met with my pastor one more time to clear the air.
Now here I sit, alone in a house. Just me, myself, and I. And three cats. It is a quiet house outside of town. I do not have access to the internet and only recently figured out how to work their television. Finding a new church home has been amazing, but leaving my last church home has been exhausting. These last few weeks have been very difficult, so it's fitting that I was already scheduled to house sit for this family. I'm sitting here with a cup of hot tea, snuggled under blankets and with a cat purring on my lap. No internet, no television, no distraction. God's timing is amazing! I already feel myself becoming more calm, my energy slowly being renewed.
Another example of God's impeccable timing is this: my father confronted the elders about my decision on the evening of January 13th. The watchword for 2014 was released (via facebook) the morning of January 14th (EST.) I was originally scheduled off that day, but as soon as Ashley and I had a chance to talk to each other about the watchword and how perfect it was, I was called in to work for my manager who was feeling ill. That meant that instead of sitting at home alone all day, agonizing over everything that happened the night before, I went in to work and kept busy all day, and mostly kept my mind from wandering to the topic of church! God is so good!
I have thought about the possibility of leaving my home church for years. I knew it would happen one day, and I knew that when it happened I would go out with a bang. I wasn't prepared for the inner struggle that it would cause, nor did I realize just how big of a bang I would cause... Thankfully God has placed amazing people in my life who were able to give me appropriate counsel. Who patiently listened to my heart, even when some of them weren't sure why I was so bothered in the first place. The mistakes of my home church were extensive, but, red flags or not, I ached. Before I made the decision, I read article after article, and listened to sound bytes of the most respected ministers of the day discussing the subject of when, why and how to leave a church. I listened to videos of George, because I thought if I could just hear his voice that something would resonate within me. One of Lynn's talks kept coming to mind, and in my moment of doubt Ashley reminded me of his words again. I was at my lowest low. I knew I was doing the right thing - and I knew that this was the part of my journey where God would have to carry me until I found my feet again.
I have come so far this week. I feel at such peace at this moment in my journey. The last year is hard for me to imagine. I have traveled millions of theoretical miles. I'm not sure I even remember the girl that boarded that plane to Africa - I've changed so much since then. I am so excited to see what God has in store for me this year! I have already found a new church that is awesome. I feel like I am in exactly the right place, and it is as close to being in Africa as I will get until I am back in Africa! the kingdom culture is all there, and the community is awesome. I am loving having a group of people my age to hangout with. Last Sunday we all got together for pizza and a movie, it was so nice! God is doing exciting things with my life, and I am willing! I am so blessed!
Now back to the present...
Here I sit. This time in my own room with my own cat. The past week, in the snow and the coop, has been good, but tiring. We got more snow today, so it was a quiet day at work. I came home, feeling a little out of sorts. My home church already cancelled services for tomorrow because of the snow. As far as I know, my church is still meeting. I hope so. I always feel better and encouraged when I am worshiping with the members there. They really have been so kind and thoughtful, giving me encouragement these past few weeks. I've shed more tears. My heart is pulled in two directions. I know which way I'm going to go, but it still makes me sad. I have to choose to move forward every day, even if it's just one step. One day I'll look back and clearly see God's plan at this point in my life. I will see how far I have come, even when I felt like I was moving at a snails pace. One day it will be revealed for His glory. Until then I take things one day at a time and put one foot in front of the other. I can't see the blueprint, but I know the project is worthy!
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
Happy New Year!!!
Here I sit. Very different from the girl that began the year of 2013. My personality is different. My room is drastically different. And my heart. My heart is so very, very different. I barely remember that girl.
I have had quite a lazy day. My family admittedly does not do anything too exciting on New Year's Day. We all do our own thing mostly. I cleaned up a few things, drank some wine (the last I will drink, but more on that later), took a nap and watched the Lord of the Rings movies on TNT. This was after I started my morning off by taking note of a few financial things and ordering some after-Christmas things for my brother. I was managing my finances for a "before and after" of sorts. I do not know when God might choose to call me back to Africa, but I intend to be a good steward of my blessings until then so I can be ready. This year I have chosen to add additional metrics to my budget so I can see progress I've made (hopefully) more plainly. It is, admittedly, somewhat depressing. Looking at income compared to debt in it's most basic form. I did not compare it to where I started out last year, which I should have, but this new metric will allow me to note my progress more easily in the new year.
Physical possessions, and my perception of them, have been a huge change this year. Starting off last January when I started gathering things to pack for Africa and found out how much one suitcase can hold. From there, it was certainly very easy to let go of many of my clothes. Despite what media of the American retail industry has fed us, you can find countless articles on just how little clothing we wear. Common statistics suggest we wear 20% of our wardrobe 80% of the time. This made it so easy for me to let go of more clothes. Anything that didn't fit my body correctly or I wasn't completely in love with went to the Salvation Army. I now have one wire shelving unit to store my clothing. I can see exactly what, and how much, I have. Seeing this on a daily basis I am reminded of how blessed I am. I do not need more clothes. I could use some new shoes, but when I went shopping last weekend I struggled to find a pair I loved that was at a price I could justify. I have my old pair of running shoes that I use for casual sneakers now. They are three years old and have acquired a few holes in that time. I also have a pair of snow boots with zippers, but the zipper on my left boot has broken. I can still wear them without fastening the zipper, and although that is somewhat uncomfortable -leading to extra stress on my shins, I have been making due. After living in Africa, I find it hard to justify spending money on something new when I have something that is not perfect but works well enough. There are other things, coats mostly, that are too large for me. I will eventually find more fitted items and donate these ones to charity. I know I will have to buy something new eventually, and I know others may benefit by the items I replace, but it is still a struggle of the heart. It's a good struggle. It means my heart longs more for God than it does to goods of this world, and for that I am grateful!
It is hard for my heart to imagine what God will teach me in the upcoming year, or where He might lead me next. Over the last ten years I have encountered such struggles. Mountains so high and valleys so low. Yet they somehow pale in comparison to the lessons I have learned over the course of 2013. Even more remarkable, while I learned many important lessons while I was living abroad, the most significant changes happened after the fact. When I had returned home, and was working non-stop while living under my parents roof. When things in my life seemed anything but remarkable. That is when God did the most work in my heart. Breaking me to the point that I had no argument left. My life is so tainted by this world, not at all what it should be, and God is so good. He is breaking me so that He can fix me. So that He can make me stronger, better for Him. So I might rely only on Him for my blessings, my happiness. For so long I was struggling with the concept of my possessions, my stuff. What security I found in it and what I would be without it. This last year, and this last month especially, God has challenged me again and again to choose Him over anything else. Some of the most difficult decisions still lie ahead, waiting to be acted on, but I do not fear. I know God is sovereign and will lead me through whatever trials might come my way.
When faced with a new chapter, I do not know what changes I can accomplish in 30 days. I do not know how they may affect my life, and whether they will be immediately revealed to be good or bad. I know they must happen, and I welcome them. I want to leave the past in the past.
I am not good at leaving the past in the past. I think of it often and with fond memories. Other memories are more painful, and still they hold my attention like a moth to a flame. I must learn to let go of the past, to focus on what God is teaching me know, and to allow Him to prepare my heart for His good plan. I know this will not be easy for me, I know it will require perseverance and a will that is not my own. I know I will fail many times before I make any noticeable strides.
'Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away, and look, new things have come.' -2 Corinthians 5:17
I love reading books, but it is time to read the next chapter.
I have had quite a lazy day. My family admittedly does not do anything too exciting on New Year's Day. We all do our own thing mostly. I cleaned up a few things, drank some wine (the last I will drink, but more on that later), took a nap and watched the Lord of the Rings movies on TNT. This was after I started my morning off by taking note of a few financial things and ordering some after-Christmas things for my brother. I was managing my finances for a "before and after" of sorts. I do not know when God might choose to call me back to Africa, but I intend to be a good steward of my blessings until then so I can be ready. This year I have chosen to add additional metrics to my budget so I can see progress I've made (hopefully) more plainly. It is, admittedly, somewhat depressing. Looking at income compared to debt in it's most basic form. I did not compare it to where I started out last year, which I should have, but this new metric will allow me to note my progress more easily in the new year.
Physical possessions, and my perception of them, have been a huge change this year. Starting off last January when I started gathering things to pack for Africa and found out how much one suitcase can hold. From there, it was certainly very easy to let go of many of my clothes. Despite what media of the American retail industry has fed us, you can find countless articles on just how little clothing we wear. Common statistics suggest we wear 20% of our wardrobe 80% of the time. This made it so easy for me to let go of more clothes. Anything that didn't fit my body correctly or I wasn't completely in love with went to the Salvation Army. I now have one wire shelving unit to store my clothing. I can see exactly what, and how much, I have. Seeing this on a daily basis I am reminded of how blessed I am. I do not need more clothes. I could use some new shoes, but when I went shopping last weekend I struggled to find a pair I loved that was at a price I could justify. I have my old pair of running shoes that I use for casual sneakers now. They are three years old and have acquired a few holes in that time. I also have a pair of snow boots with zippers, but the zipper on my left boot has broken. I can still wear them without fastening the zipper, and although that is somewhat uncomfortable -leading to extra stress on my shins, I have been making due. After living in Africa, I find it hard to justify spending money on something new when I have something that is not perfect but works well enough. There are other things, coats mostly, that are too large for me. I will eventually find more fitted items and donate these ones to charity. I know I will have to buy something new eventually, and I know others may benefit by the items I replace, but it is still a struggle of the heart. It's a good struggle. It means my heart longs more for God than it does to goods of this world, and for that I am grateful!
It is hard for my heart to imagine what God will teach me in the upcoming year, or where He might lead me next. Over the last ten years I have encountered such struggles. Mountains so high and valleys so low. Yet they somehow pale in comparison to the lessons I have learned over the course of 2013. Even more remarkable, while I learned many important lessons while I was living abroad, the most significant changes happened after the fact. When I had returned home, and was working non-stop while living under my parents roof. When things in my life seemed anything but remarkable. That is when God did the most work in my heart. Breaking me to the point that I had no argument left. My life is so tainted by this world, not at all what it should be, and God is so good. He is breaking me so that He can fix me. So that He can make me stronger, better for Him. So I might rely only on Him for my blessings, my happiness. For so long I was struggling with the concept of my possessions, my stuff. What security I found in it and what I would be without it. This last year, and this last month especially, God has challenged me again and again to choose Him over anything else. Some of the most difficult decisions still lie ahead, waiting to be acted on, but I do not fear. I know God is sovereign and will lead me through whatever trials might come my way.
When faced with a new chapter, I do not know what changes I can accomplish in 30 days. I do not know how they may affect my life, and whether they will be immediately revealed to be good or bad. I know they must happen, and I welcome them. I want to leave the past in the past.
'When I was a child,
I spoke like a child,
I thought like a child,
I reasoned like a child.
When I became a man,
I put aside childish things.'
I spoke like a child,
I thought like a child,
I reasoned like a child.
When I became a man,
I put aside childish things.'
-1 Corinthians 13:11 [HCSB]
I am not good at leaving the past in the past. I think of it often and with fond memories. Other memories are more painful, and still they hold my attention like a moth to a flame. I must learn to let go of the past, to focus on what God is teaching me know, and to allow Him to prepare my heart for His good plan. I know this will not be easy for me, I know it will require perseverance and a will that is not my own. I know I will fail many times before I make any noticeable strides.
'Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away, and look, new things have come.' -2 Corinthians 5:17
I love reading books, but it is time to read the next chapter.
Friday, December 27, 2013
What I'm doing this weekend
What do you get when you have the holidays and a cold?...
True story.
All I need is honey, warm tea, and my bed.
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
What I've been up to: 200th post and embrace change
When did October get here? Oh yeah, yesterday...
and btw this is my 200th post (well, my 200th since deleting my whole blog and starting over... but it's the little things in life)
I have told myself that I have been embracing change since coming home. I want to live a different life and I want to live a life open, and ready, to return to Africa if given the chance. So while I have been going through all of my material things and letting go, God has upped the anti. I will be the first to admit: I never replace technology. I have had the same television since 1996. Yes, I watch it - although I haven't been watching as much recently, and yes it still works! No static or discoloration. And I have the same VHS/DVD player that I have had since 2002. It is starting to be finicky. Sometimes it won't accept tapes or DVDs to play, and sometimes it will even turn itself off during the opening ads! But the oldest is my stereo/cassette tape/CD player, which I have had since sometime before I even had the television. The radio still works, as does the tape deck, but in the last two weeks, as I was watching less TV and listening to more CDs, the CD deck decided to stop working. So I decided to box up all my CDs and put them away in my closet. The box ended up sitting out for a day because the box wasn't quite big enough to fit them all in, it was honestly just 2 or 3 items over, but that was enough to bug me. I left it sitting out and in the next day or so I cracked and decided to see how many could be sold. Because if I move to Africa, what good will a old pile of CDs be? Especially in the age of Pandora, Youtube, iTunes/iPods... Embrace change. I really haven't been watching much TV or movies. I plan on doing the same thing with my DVDs, there are some, that I love so much or that are hard to find, that I will keep for now. The rest I will try to sell. Because I don't really need them. Because I need to embrace change.
Most recently, I've been having some tank issues. With my fish tank. Some people may not know, or may have forgotten, but I have had an aquarium for the last 8 years. I have had the same fish for the last 8 years. I recently picked up a few new ones though, and I'm not sure if it was the new fish or something else, but my tank became comprimised by a disease. Despite treating the tank, the fish didn't make it - I'm left with two snails that were moved into a smaller aquarium. I thought about getting new fish, but my heart longs for Africa and if I go back, it would be incredibly selfish of me to expect someone else to take care of my fish. I lucked out on the last trip because my catfish were so low maintenance, but if I got new fish they'd be different. As cute and fun as fish can be, I have to empty the tank and let it go. Move on to something new. Prepare my life for the possibility of Africa. Embrace change. The Bible talks about letting go of the past, of leaving our childish ways behind. I need to challege myself to live as God wants me to live, not as I want to live. My aquarium may bring me short-lived joy, but it distracts me from the world outside my house and does not aid my walk with Christ.
"Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." -Philippians 3:13-14 [ESV]
Let go of the past. Embrace change. You all know this started with clothes. My closet and dresser bursting with options. So many options that I didn't know my options. And a simple question: "Who would I be without (all of) my clothes?" The clothes went out the door. To various charities where they could be passed on to those in need. And my bookshelves, overflowing with text books and novels. Asking myself when the last time I read this was, and would I read it if I had the time? And so the books went to charity. The novels and fiction and childrens stories anyway. Some of the text books did, others I held on to. Over the last three years, I had held on to my college text books. I hadn't opened them, or even glanced at them. Yet the took up a large amount of space. An entire row on my bookshelf. The nagging question again: "Who would I be without my textbooks?" and even worse "Why am I keeping them? What sense of security can I find in a book?" But I did. I was a person in their twenties who has for most of my life done 'the right thing.' I have done what was expected. I got good grades in high school. Went on to college and studied diligently. So much of my identity in my young life was wrapped around my academic career. Despite working full time the last three years, I was still clinging to those books. Despite the fact that grad school isn't a realistic option at the moment. Despite that, even if it was, I would go into a slightly different focus. Much internal debate ensued. While I was selling my CDs last week, I sold the books as well.
So here I am. Slowly, so very slowly, turning my back on the ways of the world. Realizing my worth, my security is not in material things. My security must be in Christ alone, because He is the only thing in the world that does not change. As Lynn put it, I need to stop holding on to my life so tightly. I need to remember that it's not really mine. In a way I'm scared, because after letting go of the 'big three' (textbooks, CDs and fishtank) only God knows what I'll get rid of next. I don't want to own a ton of material things that limit my potential. I want a life that I can fit in a suitcase. Ever since I was little I was fascinated with the disciples. I mean really fascinated. I would sit for hours thinking about what they did, about what it would really be like to follow that call: to get rid of all your possessions and leave everything you knew to follow Jesus. I'm open for the possibility. I want the possibility, but it can still be overwhelming to consider. I'm not sure I really can consider it. So instead, I sell my CDs and empty my fishtank and hope that when Jesus calls I'll be ready to follow Him to the ends of the earth.
and btw this is my 200th post (well, my 200th since deleting my whole blog and starting over... but it's the little things in life)
I have told myself that I have been embracing change since coming home. I want to live a different life and I want to live a life open, and ready, to return to Africa if given the chance. So while I have been going through all of my material things and letting go, God has upped the anti. I will be the first to admit: I never replace technology. I have had the same television since 1996. Yes, I watch it - although I haven't been watching as much recently, and yes it still works! No static or discoloration. And I have the same VHS/DVD player that I have had since 2002. It is starting to be finicky. Sometimes it won't accept tapes or DVDs to play, and sometimes it will even turn itself off during the opening ads! But the oldest is my stereo/cassette tape/CD player, which I have had since sometime before I even had the television. The radio still works, as does the tape deck, but in the last two weeks, as I was watching less TV and listening to more CDs, the CD deck decided to stop working. So I decided to box up all my CDs and put them away in my closet. The box ended up sitting out for a day because the box wasn't quite big enough to fit them all in, it was honestly just 2 or 3 items over, but that was enough to bug me. I left it sitting out and in the next day or so I cracked and decided to see how many could be sold. Because if I move to Africa, what good will a old pile of CDs be? Especially in the age of Pandora, Youtube, iTunes/iPods... Embrace change. I really haven't been watching much TV or movies. I plan on doing the same thing with my DVDs, there are some, that I love so much or that are hard to find, that I will keep for now. The rest I will try to sell. Because I don't really need them. Because I need to embrace change.
Most recently, I've been having some tank issues. With my fish tank. Some people may not know, or may have forgotten, but I have had an aquarium for the last 8 years. I have had the same fish for the last 8 years. I recently picked up a few new ones though, and I'm not sure if it was the new fish or something else, but my tank became comprimised by a disease. Despite treating the tank, the fish didn't make it - I'm left with two snails that were moved into a smaller aquarium. I thought about getting new fish, but my heart longs for Africa and if I go back, it would be incredibly selfish of me to expect someone else to take care of my fish. I lucked out on the last trip because my catfish were so low maintenance, but if I got new fish they'd be different. As cute and fun as fish can be, I have to empty the tank and let it go. Move on to something new. Prepare my life for the possibility of Africa. Embrace change. The Bible talks about letting go of the past, of leaving our childish ways behind. I need to challege myself to live as God wants me to live, not as I want to live. My aquarium may bring me short-lived joy, but it distracts me from the world outside my house and does not aid my walk with Christ.
"Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." -Philippians 3:13-14 [ESV]
Let go of the past. Embrace change. You all know this started with clothes. My closet and dresser bursting with options. So many options that I didn't know my options. And a simple question: "Who would I be without (all of) my clothes?" The clothes went out the door. To various charities where they could be passed on to those in need. And my bookshelves, overflowing with text books and novels. Asking myself when the last time I read this was, and would I read it if I had the time? And so the books went to charity. The novels and fiction and childrens stories anyway. Some of the text books did, others I held on to. Over the last three years, I had held on to my college text books. I hadn't opened them, or even glanced at them. Yet the took up a large amount of space. An entire row on my bookshelf. The nagging question again: "Who would I be without my textbooks?" and even worse "Why am I keeping them? What sense of security can I find in a book?" But I did. I was a person in their twenties who has for most of my life done 'the right thing.' I have done what was expected. I got good grades in high school. Went on to college and studied diligently. So much of my identity in my young life was wrapped around my academic career. Despite working full time the last three years, I was still clinging to those books. Despite the fact that grad school isn't a realistic option at the moment. Despite that, even if it was, I would go into a slightly different focus. Much internal debate ensued. While I was selling my CDs last week, I sold the books as well.
So here I am. Slowly, so very slowly, turning my back on the ways of the world. Realizing my worth, my security is not in material things. My security must be in Christ alone, because He is the only thing in the world that does not change. As Lynn put it, I need to stop holding on to my life so tightly. I need to remember that it's not really mine. In a way I'm scared, because after letting go of the 'big three' (textbooks, CDs and fishtank) only God knows what I'll get rid of next. I don't want to own a ton of material things that limit my potential. I want a life that I can fit in a suitcase. Ever since I was little I was fascinated with the disciples. I mean really fascinated. I would sit for hours thinking about what they did, about what it would really be like to follow that call: to get rid of all your possessions and leave everything you knew to follow Jesus. I'm open for the possibility. I want the possibility, but it can still be overwhelming to consider. I'm not sure I really can consider it. So instead, I sell my CDs and empty my fishtank and hope that when Jesus calls I'll be ready to follow Him to the ends of the earth.
Monday, August 5, 2013
August
I woke up to the crisp, chill of something that seems a lot like fall... While I am in no hurry to rush summer, I have to admit: I'm a little bit excited. I may or may not go out and splurge on some scented candles while my laundry is in the machines. I'm so excited for the promise of these next few months. While there are things in my life I'm not totally thrilled with, I'm pretty happy and mostly optimistic. And of course tonight is the night of nights: The Season Finale of the Bachelorette!!! I'm super excited to see what happens. I can't help it: I'm a sucker for love in the worst way. And I was reading a list of MSN Entertainment's "Who Should Be The Next Bachelor" and look at this gem: (yes I included the link and text: I don't want anyone to be too lazy to see this gem!)
http://tv.msn.com/reality-tv/who-should-be-the-next-bachelor/photo-gallery/feature/?photoidx=7
James Wolk plays extremely private office cipher Bob Benson on "Mad Men." Wolk, 28, seems delightfully low-maintenance: When discussing "Lone Star" (a FOX vehicle that ran for only two episodes), Wolk advised women that the easiest way to charm a man was to feed him, suggested that they not take a refusal to dance at face value, and that any woman who doesn't regularly get flowers should move on to greener pastures. This is why they say to keep an eye on the quiet ones.
And again, the wisdom of James Wolk, "Wolk advised women that the easiest way to charm a man was to feed him, suggested that they not take a refusal to dance at face value, and that any woman who doesn't regularly get flowers should move on to greener pastures." I think I'm in love. With his advice at the very least!
So I'm very excited to watch the Bachelorette make whatever decision she makes, spend more time focused on my family and friends, and enjoying everything Western PA has to offer. For once in my life doing what makes me entirely happy and not sensoring it based on the opinions of another person. Because everyone still in my life will find happiness in my happiness without critiquing me. Everyone in my life can enjoy my joys in harmony, not damper them with conditions or their differing wants. We all love the same things, and that is a blessing.
And, it's the month of my birth! holla!
Saturday, July 27, 2013
Keep It Classy Indiana
First, when I was still in Africa, there was this:
http://www.theatlanticwire.com/national/2013/02/hottest-colleges-2013/62153/
And now this:
http://www.creditdonkey.com/small-cities-beer.html
but no, I still don't drink beer.
Keep it Classy Indiana...
http://www.theatlanticwire.com/national/2013/02/hottest-colleges-2013/62153/
And now this:
http://www.creditdonkey.com/small-cities-beer.html
but no, I still don't drink beer.
Keep it Classy Indiana...
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