Expectations

Never fear, blog world! I have not forgotten about my inaugural Bachelorette blog. I have just been distracted.

Work has been going well. I have found a new ally in our intern, Von. Our days involve me explaining how to do tasks and why they are done that way, and answering his questions, and then talking about Big Bang Theory. Von is awesome.

Have you ever watched an infant that refuses to crawl, but keeps trying to run? They can pretend they have some sense of equilibrium for brief periods of time. Maybe they can even make you believe that they are in control of their balance. That they can really run. Until they try to move and everything comes crashing down.

Sometimes grownups are like that too.

They can appear to have it all together. They can put on a great show. But if you don't crawl first, you can't run. If you try to run, everything you've worked for will come crashing down in an instant. It's incredibly frustrating to watch. But, it's because we allow ourselves to believe the charade. Our expectations are that it will be true. When those expectations fall short, it can seem heartbreaking. This explains how I'm feeling.

Mother's Day Mayhem

I feel like I have been beaten up.

On Friday, Cory asked me how many hours I had logged this week. We spent much more time together than we normally do this week, since Steph and Terri are both off, and he guessed that I'd be getting close to overtime. Close yes, but not in the danger zone. I was saved by the extended lunch break I took on Monday. [A happy coincidence: we had over scheduled front staff, and I felt miserable with a nagging headache. I gladly agreed to leave with the hope of a break and a hot meal providing some relief before coming back for the evening with the back staff.]

I was also watching Terri's dog while she was recovering from surgery. A dog that is a) a puppy b) hyperactive, to say the least! and c) insists on waking up at 5am. To say that I was overworked and sleep deprived this week is an understatement. Then I realized that I only have one day off the next three weeks: Memorial Day (+ Sundays, because we are closed.) No days off + a lot of laundry that still needs put away + more laundry that still needs washed + dishes + ... The list goes on.

Then there is that whole Amendment 1 thing. You may have heard of it, but in case you've been living under a rock, you can read about it here. I think the homosexual debate is quite complicated and I don't feel inclined to delve into my personal feelings on that right now. After the law was passed, friends on both sides of the debate let the comments fly. One friend in particular called me quite upset, on the verge of tears, about how the idea of marriage between homosexuals is so wrong. It was a Matthew 7 moment:

“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye." -Matthew 7:3-5

The Bible plainly states that God intended for man and woman to be together and that homosexuality is at odds with God's plan for us. Yet, there are things this friend is doing in their life that are also contrary to what is said in the Bible. I don't feel that I am currently in the place to pass judgment or offer council. I don't think I can offer words to inspire change, and am afraid of offering words that merely cause defense and hurt. So I wait and trust that things will happen according to God's plan.


And to cap off the week of crazy work, lack of sleep, Saturday was date night. After date night I had grand thoughts of finalizing my Sunday School lesson, maybe folding some laundry and going to bed early. Instead, I got home, was tackled by my nephew Andrew (and later by Christian) who was surprising Mom for Mother's Day. We stayed up until midnight when I finally couldn't take it anymore and went to bed. Overslept, but still found time to sort of get my lesson in order. Then we went to my grandmother's house for lunch, and of course had to see all the cows, roosters, and the billy goat. Then Lucius and I took a nap, because nephews wear. us. out.!!!


I'm still feeling not so great, but I think this crazy week has inspired some good things. Here's a sneak peak to inspire you:

#1. Awe, don't they look cute? Bachelor Brad Womack proposed to Emily Maynard during his second stint as The Bachelor. Well they broke up and now the Emily is back to be The Bachelorette. Everyone knows that Albert Einstein is a pretty smart guy. And everyone knows that he said: "Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Everyone except for those people who decide to look for love on National Television, ABC style of course. This season get ready. You'll all get to witness what my boyfriend calls "Monday-Morning Quarterbacking" - Bachelor style. The past few seasons seem to be getting progressively worse, but I can't bring myself to stop watching. This season I'm going to make the most of this glutton-for-punishment quality: I'm going to blog about the episodes and breakdown these "love connections." What are they doing right? What are they doing wrong? Should these relationships even be categorized as love, as God intended it?

 

#2. Back to that Matthew 7:3-5 thing: Let's take a look at the common life. aka mine. What am I doing right? What am I doing wrong? How am I failing as a Christian? Will a change in habits make a drastic change in my general outlook?

 Stay tuned blog-world!!!

God's Plan

As I'm getting ready to go to a Church meeting, which I am not looking forward to because we have difficult decisions ahead.

This popped up on my facebook newsfeed because my friend subscribes to Life and Love and gets their updates:

And today's Our Daily Bread devotional comes from 1 John:

^"This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters. If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person? Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.

This is how we know that we belong to the truth and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence: If our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.  Dear friends, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God  and receive from him anything we ask, because we keep his commands and do what pleases him.  And this is his command: to believe in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and to love one another as he commanded us." -1 John 3:16-23

If that isn't encouragement for days like today, I don't know what is! If nothing else, hopefully this will help keep me in the appropriate mindset. The road ahead will be difficult, but I shouldn't worry because it's all part of God's plan. All I can do is [try to] keep His commandments and glorify Him!

Unexpected

“Nobody says you must laugh, but a sense of humor can help you overlook the unattractive, tolerate the unpleasant, cope with the unexpected, and smile through the day” -Ann Landers



6 months to the day. for serious.
you have got to be kidding.

now, before I get carried away with irrational emotion, [okay, maybe after I initially experienced some intense emotions] I decided to find a list of qualities that people describe in "good" men. Google it, there are lots of them. Or just go here to expand upon this immediate study:

1. He treats you well

2. He is a man of his word

3. He loves you inside and out

4. He has a bright future

5. He is able to guide and protect you

6. He is confident in himself

7. He is an independent man

8. He is appreciative of you

9. He speaks and acts honestly

10. He has good morality

in the event that you read this, and in case you were wondering,
you're 3 for 10.

Eeyore

On Sunday our interim minister gave a sermon about the "Eeyore"s in the church. He's been serving as an interim, or supply, minister for 30+ years. Needless to say, he's run into a few Eeyores over the years. His perspective of an "Eeyore" is a person that is an eternal pessimist. He also referred to them as a "stale air" Christian. The people who will always look at what is going wrong in the church, constantly overlooking what is going right. Yes, it is important to be aware of what is going wrong in the church so we can do our best to fix it and grow in Christ. However, we have to remember that our hope is in Christ. We can't focus so much on our shortcomings that we lose our hope. To get back to the point, the minister was trying to convey how ineffective our ministry becomes when we are Eeyore Christians. No one would be attracted to a ministry that is perpetually down and "woe is me" - our message is more potent when we provide the "fresh air": all of the qualities of life that have improved as a result of our walk in Christ.

Needless to say, these last few days I've been in a slump. I'm not sure if I was an Eeyore per say, but I certainly wasn't feeling like myself. Now, there are loads of quotes I could put in now: "Today is a gift, that's why they call it the present" or "There is no time like the present" but my favorite on this topic: "You will never 'find' time for anything. If you want time, you must make it." -Charles Buxton I love that quote. I use it frequently to get myself in gear. Knowing how out of sorts I've felt the last few days, and how much the rest of the work week would increase that disarray, I knew I had to do something drastic. Last night before bed I wrote out a to-do list of all the little things that I needed to accomplish. And I prayed about it, for the energy and the focus to get things done.

I worked on and off, mostly on, for 13 hours. I ignored my cell phone. I didn't turn my computer on until I needed to print out a recipe. I didn't even turn on my TV until I had crossed several items off my list. Even then, it was movies - no commercials and less distraction. (Also, less need to actively watch because I own it on DVD!) I think my boyfriend thought I was dead. (Or that he was in the dog house for unknowingly upsetting me and that I just wasn't talking to him. Either way.)

Thankfully, I had a fantastically productive day! Which, I think is the result of prayer more-so than sheer determination. I moved a few things around with the hope that I would be more diligent (music to transpose, devotional binder, etc) Let's hope that my spirit is renewed and that I will be a more diligent, optimistic, "fresh water" Christian and can have a positive effect on those around me.

"The soul of the sluggard craves and gets nothing, while the soul of the diligent is richly supplied."

-Proverbs 13:4 [ESV]

Those Days

I've had one of those days.

You know the ones.

After spending the last few days with my best friend, who was home on spring break, and her fiance, it occurs to me that summer is still on the fast track. Which means bridesmaids dress shopping. And my workout...well, it's not on track. Which means potentially less fun had while bridesmaids dress shopping.

Also, I have a Deacon's meeting at Church tomorrow. And I have yet to type up the minutes from our last meeting. Awe-some. The last meeting, which I am writing the minutes on, a) was my first Deacon's meeting and b) started before I arrived SO let's hope the other Deacon's are forgiving of my lack of details...

Also, realizing that I have exactly one sheet of printer paper left. It's a good thing the minutes will be short and sweet. And, let's hope, correct.

Adventures In Modern Medicine

So I really want to go to Africa.
I would also really like to be granted access back into the United States when I come back.
This requires a lot of medication and vaccines.

I got three vaccinations today. at once.

My awesome Pharm D, Cory, said I was crazy. He did a double take when I told him I wanted three at once.

"I'd be scared to get three at once."
(pause)
"I've never ever given three vaccines at once before."

But if you've met Cory, you'll know that he is thrilled by the opportunity to use me as his personal guinea pig.
Fact: I allowed Cory to give me the first vaccine for my Africa trip, after not being vaccinated at all for 9 years.
He was great. He did hit my bone, and it was a lot of vaccine with a reputation for being painful, but it was easy!

So once he initially got over his caution, he quickly got excited. He was rushing me to finish my paperwork. He is really great at what he does. He even took time to get me a different chair to sit on, in case I lost my balance after being "stabbed" three times and fell off. He didn't make me go to the vaccination room, he let me sit in the break area. Probably for convenience, and because my weird coworker really wanted to watch me get vaccinated. She was amazed. I didn't flinch. They both told me I was brave. Really? Just because I don't let a little (okay, it's not actually so little...) needle scare me.

Either way, despite Cory making me bleed (he thinks he hit a capillary), I was up and moving within 5 minutes or so. My coworker said I looked pale. Um. I'm pretty sure I always look pale, but thanks for pointing that out. I recovered pretty quickly. Felt great. Ran errands. Went to the grocery store for my mom.

I feel like superwoman!
Now if I could just take my head-on thought process for vaccines and translate it to the rest of my to-do list...