Monday Musings

Home from another day at work, and evening with the little man. Hot tea in hand, snacking on pecan divinity (southern memories) and Bill Withers (Ain't No Sunshine) on Pandora. bliss.


Recently, within the last month, I've instated what I call "Cell Free Sundays." I must confess, they aren't totally cellphone free, but for 5 or 6 hours on Sunday morning (and early afternoon) I am sans cellphone. So far, it's working out to be great. It's nice to unplug a bit. It let's me clear my head and think about things objectively. (Or as objectively as I can, being that it's my life.)


Recent dilemma:
Scenario: A likes C. B is obsessed with D. B has never met C, but critiques C because C isn't D.

Are you still with me?

What do you do when good intentions aren't good in practice? What if we've all got it all wrong? What does it mean to have true love? How many of us really have fake love?

In the summer of 2006 I remember sitting in my car with my best friend. I was debating dumping my boyfriend. She had been going through a rough patch with her boyfriend. She told me not to dump mine. I didn't understand why she stayed with hers. I did dump my boyfriend. She is getting ready to celebrate her one year anniversary of becoming his wife. While she wasn't right about my relationship, I wasn't right about hers either. Ever since I have tried to keep my opinions to myself, to be open minded about other people and their quest for love.

Ironically, the dilemma my best friend faced all those years ago is a dilemma I currently face. I finally understand why she stayed. Unfortunately, I have another best friend who shares the view I had all those years ago. Unfortunately she is far more vocal about it now than I was then. It would seem rational that since she is my best friend, and she loves me, that she would understand my perspective on love. Our different wants and needs in our relationships - because after all we are different people. To be honest, when it comes to her, I'm just not feeling the love...

I remember a few years ago, a male friend said that girls should settle. Of course any time you say that to a group of girls, they take it personally and begin to question your sanity. Now I'm beginning to understand what he meant. (Side note: John Lennon (Imagine) is on Pandora now... appropriate?) How many people end perfectly functional relationships because it just "isn't right" or because they found some devastating "flaw" they just cannot live with. How many of those decisions are made out of haste? Getting out of a relationship is easy. Staying - choosing to stay and fight for the relationship is hard. How can you be sure the person thinks that you are worth fighting for?

Maybe our problem is searching for love where it does not exist, and overlooking where it does. I can't say that is a risk I'm willing to take. I'm looking for love in the overlooked place, and its the best place I know. (And we've moved onto Heart (Alone) on Pandora)


“I don't pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you what it is for me; love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them more than any other person, love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of, love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you.”