My Darkness

“The difference between my darkness and your darkness is that I can look at my own badness in the face and accept its existence while you are busy covering your mirror with a white linen sheet. The difference between my sins and your sins is that when I sin I know I'm sinning while you have actually fallen prey to your own fabricated illusions. I am a siren, a mermaid; I know that I am beautiful while basking on the ocean's waves and I know that I can eat flesh and bones at the bottom of the sea. You are a white witch, a wizard; your spells are manipulations and your cauldron from hell yet you wrap yourself in white and wear a silver wig.”
― C. JoyBell C.


Today was a tough day when I was reminded of difficult memories of difficult situations. Yet God put the right people in my life, who could say the right words, to make my heart whole again.

I am imperfect. I make mistakes. I fall short of expectations. I hurt feelings. But I know I am imperfect. Knowledge of shortcomings is the first step to being better in the future.

I see those people in my life who never admit any wrongdoings. It seems like a tainted, disappointing life. I hope that I always have an open heart willing to admit my shortcomings, while fully accepting God's grace and mercy.

I am imperfect. I am a constant disaster. But I have an open heart, and have been blessed with people who love me despite of my imperfections. People who comment on my honesty and kindness. Today a friend used the words 'selfless' and 'noble' to describe me! Truth: I'm not. But I was explaining my perspective, and openly citing the Bible to support that perspective, while asking for advice. Any selfless and noble opinions I have are most certainly a gift I received when I accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior, because my human heart is certainly not that kind.