Fall

I love fall. And I love Halloween. I love Halloween mostly because a) it seems to be an integral part of fall b) gives me an excuse to dress like an idiot (er in a costume) in public and c) because it is the kickoff of the holiday season in my opinion. I always watch Sweet November in the beginning of November. Since I'm going on vacation on November 1st, I'm just going to have to watch it on Halloween.

As the holidays are approaching, it boggles my mind to think how much I have been through in the last 18 months. Graduating college. Witnessing the marriage of four dear friends. Experiencing the demise of my brother's marriage. Cleaning out my closet. (seriously.) Going on a business trip with my boss; my boss being let go almost immediately after our return. My work life doing a 180. Investing myself in two different relationships. Three months ago I planned this vacation with the intent of seeing someone. Now that its almost here, I'd just as soon spend the time alone. I am indifferent. Even in the last month there is a drastic change. I think it's a positive one.

Life isn't easy. Life is messy. But it's better than we deserve.

Life is so much more when we engage it, embrace it. Experiences are everything. Colors are brighter, memories are more vivid, love is stronger - even sleep is more restful. I may come with baggage, but I wouldn't change it. (Which is good, because I can't.) I'm a child of dysfunction. Bearing the scars of divorce (one set of grandparents, three sets of aunts/uncles) and familial discord. I hope this helps me better appreciate relationships in my life. I hope one day this helps me create a better home for my family.

For now, I marvel at the changes and rejoice in a soft bed.

"Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." -Psalm 37:4