I traveled with one large suitcase and two carry-on bags. Stuffed with clothes, OTCs, magazines, my netbook, a digital camera, a video camera, and my Bible. With everything I would have for the next nine weeks.
It filled up the wardrobe in my room in South Africa. It easily fit into the closet in my room in Zambia. I was repeatedly struck by the fact that I didn't miss anything I had left at home. For quite some time, even before my time in Africa I believe, there was a nagging question in the back of my head: "who would I be without all of my stuff?"
The question has plagued me in a persistent fashion. My co-workers wonder how much more I can get rid of. They probably question my new-found aversion to things. Since I have been home, I have regularly and consistently purged my material items. Something will make the cut, only to sit around unused for another month. It might not be so lucky the next round. The dilemma is this: I bought things when I was younger, thinking that my life would be a certain way. Now that I am older, I don't want that life. A safe life with perfectly manicured Christmas trees, tables with fine dishware, and organized trinkets displaying precious memories throughout a home. I would love to go back to Africa. What good will my stuff do sitting in boxes for years? When someone else could use it and enjoy it? It's not even about Africa, really. I loved my time in Africa and would willingly go back if given the opportunity! But I would hope to be "on-call" to go wherever I may be called on a seconds notice. Whether it's Florida, Pakistan, or Africa. I don't want to be encumbered by the emotional weight of what to do with my things. I want to willingly go with joy and readiness.
We got quite a bit of snow yesterday and, as per usual, the roads were untreated and miserable for driving. I went to Church in the morning so the youth could practice their Christmas program. I drove home and was glad to pull in to my driveway safe and sound. On top of the snow, it has also been very, very cold here, so I was thrilled by the chance to stay home where it is nice and warm. It was a good chance to get caught up on things that can fall by the wayside in a busy week. Financial things, laundry, etc along those lines. I've been tweaking a few things in my room in anticipation of the new year. 2013 was an amazing year filled with love, adventure, heartbreak, new experiences, heartbreak, disappointment and lots of lessons - and I am ready for it to be over! In my room, I had displayed my four foot artificial Christmas tree. My room has gone through several transformations this year, and recently I rearranged my shelving unit that holds my clothes. The Christmas tree had sat in the same spot it has every year, in front of what was formerly the home of a bookshelf and is now the home of my shelving unit. The tree proved to be an annoyance when getting dressed on weekends, as it challenged access to some of my casual clothes. On Friday I went to work later in the morning, so I was up early. I had bought a new lamp for that corner of the room and was rearranging the lighting. This project was also greatly hampered by my Christmas tree. Being artificial it was fairly easy to pull out, towards the middle of the room, and then push back when I was done. This didn't prevent it from being an annoyance though.
I don't remember exactly how it happened, but I had been pulling items to donate or sell earlier in the week. Trying to discern what actually adds something to my life versus just consuming space. NBC was re-airing their live broadcast of 'The Sound of Music Live!' I love the story, and there were several local Pittsburgh natives involved with the production. (And this the part that I don't exactly remember.) I had started with taking down the pictures from Africa I had displayed in my room, with the intent of mixing things up and coming up with a different way to display them. I was going to get rid of the magnetic collage boards I had been using. (Like I said, pointless to keep in storage if I had the chance to go back to Africa.) Then it was my stereo, that I have had since the 90s. The CD deck stopped working, and I don't listen to the radio all that frequently, so I opted to give that to charity. I was removing it from the shelf on my bookcase where it has sat for the last 10+ years. I think I will move my betta tank there, as that shelf is more difficult for the cat to reach and she has been especially into my betta fish lately - it makes me nervous that one day I'm going to come home to a mess of an aquarium that has been knocked over... Anyway, the next thing I know the question was back in my mind. "Who would I be without my stuff?"
Who would I be without my stuff? What would life be without my Christmas tree? I love Christmas, but does Christmas really require a Christmas tree? Especially a tree that has been getting on my nerves more often than providing enjoyment? I decided that the four foot tree was merely a purchase. It was a collection of ornaments I had bought at my job - nothing sentimental. I have another tree that I bought at my job, years before I worked there. It is an 18 inch miniature tree that I bought because I have miniature ornaments that belonged to my great-grandmother. It is much more sentimental, not to mention stuffed to the gills with ornaments. It is more manageable to leave in the box, and in the event that I am in the US for Christmas, that will be my go-to tree. I decided to give the four foot tree to charity. But would I regret it? My gut told me no, and though I still had some apprehension, at one in the morning I undecorated and packed up my Christmas tree.
While I was collecting items, before my Christmas tree met its demise, I kept thinking what a waste it all is. I was debating the merits of whether or not to own all of these things that do not greatly influence my life, while my mind went to the people I had met in Africa who owned so little but were still immensely grateful. I don't need it, any of it. So for the next few weeks I will continue to question why I own what I own. I don't expect that 2014 will be an easier year, but I believe it will be a happier year. It's like Paul said:
"I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances." -Philippians 4:11 [NIV]
I will choose to be content in the here and now. I will choose to be happy.
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