Growing Pains and Growth

Well here is the hard part.

Today was an absolutely beautiful 70 degree day here in Western PA. I pulled back my curtains and opened my windows. I did manage to do my laundry, and pull out a few things I need to get rid of after my breakup, but not much else. I have no energy or motivation. And now I am thoroughly enjoying a spring thunderstorm. My windows are still open, so I'm hopeless now. Cool breeze coming in and the sound of the rain. Perfection. I should sleep amazingly well tonight, if nothing else. That is the silver lining I suppose. I won't get a thing done, but I'll rest exceptionally well. Maybe that's what I need: an evening of absolutely nothing. Of just being.

I am not good at just being. Of just sitting. It makes me feel guilty, like I'm avoiding something that I should be doing. Normally the only one dictating what I should be doing is me though. I will come up with things that I should be doing, probably just because I feel like I need to be doing. I was better about doing 'nothing' when I was in Africa. Maybe because I was out of my usual parameters, and there wasn't a lot that needed to be done, in terms of things around the house, etc. And here I am: back at home, back to my old habits. I want to strive to keep some habits from Africa though. One of the habits I will strive for is the schedule:

-Monday morning: Morning Prayer (and Mens Prayer, but that's not relevant to me)
-Tuesday morning: Ladies Prayer
-Wednesday morning: Small Group
-Thursday morning: nothing!
-Friday morning: Digging Deeper/Hands on Deck/Word & Worship/Valley Prayer/Village Prayer...(it rotates)

SO, while I am still trying to figure out how to continue this schedule by myself, I know what will fill my Tuesday slot. My intention is to devote an hour on Tuesdays reading The Resolution for Women. I bought it awhile ago. I even started reading it once, but didn't get far. It's just been sitting on my bookshelf. Waiting. I'm not sure exactly what I think about it, I mostly bought it on a whim. My hope is that, if nothing else, it will be thought provoking. That it will challenge my perspective of myself and the world around me, and help me grow. I'm not sure how quickly, or slowly, I will get through it. It could really go either way: it might be a simple and straightforward quick read or it might be something that I spend time digesting after each chapter. Only time will tell, but either way I have several other books to read once I've finished that one.

Here I sit. Still listening to the rain and feeling amazingly relaxed. Or maybe I'm just tired. Either way, today, I'll take it.