I had a very productive day today. Honestly, I'm almost in disbelief how much I have now accomplished. But it's bittersweet because I didn't cross off everything on my to do list. This made me realize I do not do a good job in relishing the completion of tasks or celebrating myself. For the last 16 months I have been relentlessly purging my possessions. Sorting through pile after pile, deciding what stays vs what gets donated, recycled, or pitched. I'm too the point that I basically have nothing else left to sort. I can relax instead of decide what to go through next. [I could, and probably will, help my brother with his room, but that is another issue... And quite frankly, that room will probably be a piece of cake compared to the other rooms I've already finished.] I can actually scale back to taking 5 minutes a day to put things back in their place, and cleaning on weekends or my day off. I can focus on areas of myself that need work other than my physical surroundings.
For the past ten years, starting with high school, continuing through college and graduation, I have constantly been on the go. I'm not sure I remember how to relax, let alone be lazy. As a Christian, it was obvious to me that physical clutter and discord in my life attributed to emotional clutter and discord in my spiritual life. Generally, my life is clutter free in comparison to what it was. I have a few "trouble spots": my computer desk and two bankers boxes + one open box full of papers that I may or may not need, my main desk which is now littered with financial documents to be shredded or filed, and a plastic laundry basket with my "sort later" items. Down to thee spots. That isn't bad at all. I should be ecstatic, but rather than naturally celebrate the accomplishment of this task, my mind immediately jumps to "what's next?"
I would be remiss if I did not put my clutter conundrum in context. Growing up, neither of my parents paid specific attention to living an orderly life. Unlike my friends, I don't really remember being told to clean my room. Granted, I was always a clean kid. I have a memory from my childhood home. I collected paper grocery bags and put all of my toys, and my brothers, into the bags and lined them up in front of the entertainment system. Fast forward a few years and I'm in my bedroom, listening to my radio and cleaning on my own accord. That was pretty much how I always functioned. In high school I managed to keep everything organized, despite of - or perhaps because of - a busy, hectic schedule. Enter college, a full class schedule and work schedule, a boyfriend and extracurriculars. A bad breakup and extracurricular overload in the form of nine meetings a week. My organization system went down hill and my sense of self went away with it.
It took a long time and a lot of effort, but I'm finally back! I'm eating healthy, I'm organized, working out daily, AND I've picked up the daily devotionals that were my favorite in high school. But I still don't automatically celebrate this progress. I think this is a negative trait, but perhaps more beneficial in the long run. As Christians, we realize that are of sinful nature. We can never escape sin, and we are saved by grace and mercy. Nothing of our own devices can save us. Basically, I'm hopeless on my own. Yet it is because of my faith, and the knowledge and perception that comes with it, that I have been able to accomplish such an enormous task the first place. And that knowledge and perception is why I even realized it needed to be accomplished, and accomplished swiftly.
The whole point of this long-winded post boils down to this: I acknowledgement that I are hopeless without Christ, and the strength, knowledge, and determination He provides me. BUT by getting stuck in the mindset of self-deprecation because I acknowledge I am nothing without Christ, am I selling myself short in my beliefs in what I can do (with Christ) and therefore minimizing the glory of Christ? It's definitely been on my mind, and definitely worth thinking about. At any rate, I'm still going to strive to have a clutter-free home, eat well, and workout daily. And try to celebrate completed tasks.
"And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God" - Colossians 1: 10 [NIV]
Also, Fröhliches Karneval!!!
That's "Happy Carneval" to those of you who may be German-illiterate. (Ironically, this is a celebration - which I'm discussing in a post about how I'm not good at celebrating accomplishments.) It's, for lack of a better explanation, the German equivalent of Mardi Gras. Aka "Fat Tuesday." The last hoorah to get fatty, sugary, decadent foods out of the kitchen. See: use up by eating, or binging. whatever works. The last day before Ash Wednesday and the arrival of Lent. I spent a few weeks mulling over what I could give up for Lent this year. I'm not Catholic, but in years past I have given things up. Back in high school, you know, before texting, smart phones and wireless internet, I gave up the radio, television and the internet (school research was allowed.) Last year I gave up my VISA. I'm not exactly sure how I would "up" that. I know, I know... that is not the point of Lent, but I digress... Since I've essentially got a handle on my possessions problem, I don't think I'm giving up anything. Unless you count giving up being mediocre. My goal is to generally just live better. To get my crap in order. To be more responsible. To show up to work on time and without complaint. To do everything on time and without complaint. To be more chipper, more giving, more personable - even when I'm not actually in the mood to be personable. To live a more pleasing life in general. (See Bible verse above.) I've realized it's not about cutting out television altogether (a topic I've flirted with in the past), as much as it is constantly keeping things in perspective and ultimately focused. Watching TV doesn't make me a bad person. Worrying more about how my life compares to [insert popular TV show/personality] more than I worry about how my life enriches, or not, the people around me, and if it is pleasing to Christ means I have a problem. Ultimately, I'm inclined to think that by cutting out something completely, for time consumption or addictive qualities, is stating that the something has more power than (as a Christian) your strength in Christ. Unfortunately, it's late and I'm not sure I communicated these topics as effectively as I would have intended. [Mental faculties are lagging. This definitely means it's my bedtime...]
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