“We create our own destiny”

Yesterday I got a call from our main office, filling me in on benefits. I doubt I'll bother with the hassle since I will be eligible for such a short time. But I was told to go see our bookkeeper for information, so I went. This might not make sense without knowing my coworkers, but our conversation about the irony of being told I have an expiration date, as I like to call it, one week and being given full time - with the option of benefits - two weeks later... we laughed so hard we cried! Luckily no one else knew why we were laughing, otherwise they might think we were losing it.


Today was a pretty stellar day. First of all, Tuesdays are my day off, my Saturday. I let myself sleep in a little bit later than usual. Got off to a fairly slow, relaxed start, but all in all I got a lot of stuff done. I did laundry, cleaned my bathroom, washed some old toys to get ready for my nephews, baked scones, made lunch for the next three days of work (3 broccoli, cucumber, celery salads and an Asian noodle dish with carrots and cabbage for the entree), washed a lot of dishes, washed recyclables, sorted the rest of the recyclables for next time, took out the trash, bagged up more trash, washed some stuff to donate, and boxed up the stuff to donate... I think I hit the high points. My bathroom is basically spotless. All of the "problem areas" (aka projects in waiting) in my bedroom and slowly being taken care of.

I watched last week's episode of "Grey's Anatomy". It was the 'alternate universe' theme. What would our lives be like if they weren't the lives we have now? If we had chosen differently? etc etc. Two of the characters kept repeating their mantra, to inspire a doormat-attending: “We create our own destiny” Of course, at the end of the episode, the characters appear to make decisions that would still lead them to the relationships that they have in "real" life. As if to say that things are meant to happen the way they happen, sometimes it just takes longer for them to get there. You know the gist.

“We create our own destiny”: that's an interesting topic. Rationally, I'm a Christian - and I believe in pre-destination. So obviously I don't create my own destiny. Emotionally (and maybe rationally) I still do though. Perhaps God has my life planned out, and He knows where I'm going to end up, but I still have to do my part don't I? I can't just sit around and wait for things to happen. (I know I could, but if you know me you know I am terrible at sitting still and not being active, so...) I've been decimating my to-do list recently. Perhaps God gave me the determination and energy to make it happen, but I recognized the desire and took the steps to accomplish it. I feel much better with some of these tasks completed.

Admittedly, I'm kind of an emotional disaster though. I've been in contact with three of my best female friends these past few days and today was no exception. It even involved a phone call with my best friend where I found myself on the verge of tears for no apparent reason. [I'm not even one of those girls who cries at every occasion. Normally, I couldn't make myself cry if I wanted to...] I watch the Bachelor and the Bachelorette shows. I've always said it's because I'm a "hopeless romantic." That's everyone's excuse, right? Only today I realized that is not true. It turns out I'm actually more of a worst-case-scenario romantic pessimist. And I really just want to please those around me. A lethal combination for sure. 

I could go on with my self analysis. I have thought it through further, trying to get to the epicenter of my character flaws. Unfortunately, Wednesday is my late day at work and I really just want to go relax with a bubble bath in my freshly cleaned bathroom and go to bed. 

I can go to bed thankful. I am better off than I deserve. I have been very blessed. 

This picture is from New Orleans in 2009. Post-Katrina, the phrase "Keep calm and carry on" became the mantra for the city. Now, for the time being, this is all I can do. This is what I must do. Keep calm and carry on.