I struggled to wake up.I took one pill of NyQuil before bed last night and I was so groggy! Work was a crazy, busy Monday. Then I left work early. Only twenty minutes, not the end of the world. (Here's to hoping that's also my managers perspective...) I honestly thought I was leaving late. (I didn't realize what I had done until I got home and was looking over my schedule for March, oops...) This is the problem with a) having an awkward, irregular schedule and b) having a case of the Mondays. I just feel like I'm useless. One the upside, I think I have time to run tomorrow. I just have to go to a viewing/funeral first.
I think that weeks of intense progress must be followed by weeks of laziness. Not that I embrace this concept. But today, it is what I feel. I was going to attempt to sort some old toys. That lasted about ten minutes. I know I struggle with relaxing, just being. Now I think I need to work on being content. The constant to do lists. The ever evolving goals. Right now I'm just sitting. In my rocking chair with the massaging back. Watching The Bachelor. (Don't judge me. The objectification of love and poor excuse for romance is a bad enough train wreck that I at least can sit still. sometimes.)
I think my problem is this: Last night I sat down with my financial records for January and February. I compared how much money I made vs how much I spent. Not including what I have saved, or the "cushion" in my account. Which meant the stats were kind of scary. But really they could be worse. Anyway... Emotionally, you could say that my to-do lists and my constant purging of possessions are like withdrawals - of energy. Energy wisely, yet hastily, spent. Spent much faster than any deposits have been made. I'm in an energy deficit.
I've been thinking about this. Since I try to keep "cell-free Sundays" I've been thinking about the Sabbath. However, I seem to consciously view the Sabbath mostly in terms of Church and praising God, not about how God created the Sabbath because we need rest too.
“Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days you shall labor, and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the LORD your God. On it you shall not do any work, you, or your son, or your daughter, your male servant, or your female servant, or your livestock, or the sojourner who is within your gates…” - Exodus 20: 8-10
And it's not just in the Old Testament either.
'And he said to them, “Come away by yourselves to a desolate place and rest a while.” For many were coming and going, and they had no leisure even to eat.' - Mark 6: 31
That verse definitely reflects our current hectic lifestyles. And gives me an reason to try to relax tonight.
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